It was an emotion that was captivatingly so wrong
But from the beginning you found a way to turn my life around
I impatiently waited days just to be lifted from the ground
My hopes built up too high and I listened to your lies
But when I got in too deep I gave you my defenseless heart to keep
Maybe I was too blind to recognize the pain
But maybe I was hoping for the best, carefully expecting that you'd change
Maybe at one moment in time your intentions were real
But maybe I was tired of questioning how you actually feel
And maybe this time saying you're sorry just isn't enough
I craved what I knew I could never dare grasp
The tears fell from my eyes and it got harder as time elapsed
But when you finally showed up at my door my boundaries collapsed
You shattered my built up hope but I found a way to cope
I really was in too deep when I gave you my broken heart to keep
Maybe I cared too much and you didn't care at all
But maybe the unspoken words were just setting us up for a dangerous fall
Maybe you weren't worth the tears or ever worth the fight
But maybe I was tired of sorting out the wrongs and rights
And maybe this time saying you're sorry;
Just isn't enough.
<3
Author notes
About a girl who feels like she needs to be with this guy to live, even though he's torn her down so many times. Thanks for reading
Collapsed Heart [with an ache true and painful]
Mainly option #1 with a mixture of option #2
“I have to be with you to live, to breathe, you’re taking over me.” – Evanescence, “Taking Over Me”
A contest entry
- Collapsed Heart [with an ache true and painful] by ScarletLetter.
1100 points, ended July 1, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options Contest for the Creative Mind by chasingwhiterabbits.
700 points, ended June 20, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
pleassse tell me what you think :]
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh I remember feeling exactly like this, and yet, perhaps I was the other person and never knew it. Does it matter if you love someone that much? Anyway, back to the poem: just to start, can i ask why you used 'carefully expecting' is all of this worth the fight? Will it ever end? overall a great feel to this poem too, i'm looking forward to reading more!
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'The tears fell from my eyes and it got harder as time elapsed
But when you finally showed up at my door my boundaries collapsed'
I lovelovelove that^^ especially the rhyme, and then...
'But maybe I was tired of sorting out the wrongs and rights
And maybe this time saying you're sorry;
Just isn't enough.'
I could relate to that so much, specially because my moral thingymajiggy is sorry isn't always enough, and it was like oooh
If that makes sense
Amazing write anyways
♥
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Deja Vu...?
I've felt this exact way...very...very recently...I love her more than anything in this world...she's built me and up and tore me down all in one day; I have forgiven her...yet again. People question why and I myself question everything the same way as it is laid out in this poem.
"Maybe I was too blind to recognize the pain
But maybe I was hoping for the best, carefully expecting that you'd change
Maybe at one moment in time your intentions were real
But maybe I was tired of questioning how you actually feel"
I felt this way a while back...but I realized...it's not her fault...it's out of her control. She would have to choose between me and her family; I can't force her to do that...ever. I dream and hope that she loves me the same and one day down the road theres a next-to-never chance of us being together again.
"Maybe I cared too much and you didn't care at all
But maybe the unspoken words were just setting us up for a dangerous fall
Maybe you weren't worth the tears or ever worth the fight
But maybe I was tired of sorting out the wrongs and rights
And maybe this time saying you're sorry;
Just isn't enough."
The sorry wasn't enough..but I love her too much...questionable..yes I know. I'm sorry for rambling...this poem is too evident in my life. Beautiful rhyme and subtle repetition of specific lines to get your point across. I love it dearly, and it is of perfect length.
Stunning poetry that makes me cry on each read; wishing for her to come home. Perfect. 10. Out. Of. 10.
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Thank you so much for the comment/applause. I'm sorry you're going through this;; It's definitely never fun. Just so you know, I'm always here to lend an ear if you ever need to rant, because we all need to do that sometimes. Thanks again and I hope things get better with you<3
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I'm really moved by this..one sided relationship is always a hard thing to deal and cope with...the longer you're holding onto it the more you're oblivious to everything around and only concentrate on HIM..pain can't even grasp of the actual feeling that's there...beautifully written...
Lieu
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I really liked your use of repetition in this poem. You changed things up just enough each time that I found new meaning every time I got to a "repeated" part. I really wish I had something else to say...but this one sort of hits me hard, so I don't...except...nice phrasing on the following lines:
My hopes built up too high and I listened to your lies
But when I got in too deep I gave you my defenseless heart to keep
I really was in too deep when I gave you my broken heart to keep -
captivating
it is like a short soap opera, emotional
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captivating
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Wow. This is very powerful. I know exactly how this feels. Stanza four is my absolute favorite, but the entire poem is really very strong.
This is how I feel about my boyfriend right now. How you managed to write a poem that related to two separate people holding contests I'll never know, but good job.
Please keep writing, and thank you for entering.
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Wow..
This is really amazing, ive been through this a few times.....
I really liked stanza 4, i know those feelings all too well.
This is such an emotion-filled write and I loved it. =]
keep writing..
xXx-xXx
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Telepathic -
I swear you are - I just went through this not two weeks ago..
my fiance destroyed what was left of me..
after a year and two months...
after 5 years of friendship...and things were gone..done...just like that..
I can't pick a favorite grouping from your write,
I relate all too well to nearly ever word..
Our Cinderella stories never get their happy ending do they...
one more page ripped from that story book..
An amazing write,
Thank you for entering.
and best of luck to you <3
~*SL*~
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Thanks for the comment and for holding this contest. It is hard, but in the end, we all get through it. I'm sorry it happened to you, as it happens to the best of us :[ Thanks again <3
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