she grows wild
still and even
amid a world of progress
asphalt choked the child
out of more proper flowers
lain in gardens
to display their perfection
like little girls in
velvet dresses
who prefer to climb trees
or mountains
they tried to sell her happiness
in a bottle of
exfoliate the real
implant the plastic
and cover up your imperfection
she darn near starved
for freedom of expression
lips drenched in gloss
and void of promise
still
the weed
when plucked out
tossed off
and blown away
carpets a countryside
in flood or drought
and pure delight
in waves of wildflower
she grows wild
still and even
A contest entry
- thistles by houseandcloud.
300 points, ended July 1, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Reader interpretation and critical comment welcomed
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This painted a lovely pictur ein my mind and was a true joy to read. Very well done!
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I like this, coming back to the beginning at the end, also the comparison of a child or woman to the flower. Wonderful imagery.
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I just wanted to go outside and twirl around like a little girl and watch the flowers grow.
A wonderful poem and I wish you all the best ideas for the future.
Rose -
Good
Great write...I would have transposed the last line..just seems to sound and feel nicer in the mouth and mind, -
Good Insight!
I like the way you relate life to a foliage. Especially how you express the fact that all the pressure to conform to the "phoney glitziness", so to speak, cannot stifle the true nature of one who WILL NOT be other than what she was meant to be! Great write! I enjoyed this! Thanks!
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the life and its sketches are the amazing subject of the poetry..and which you did it here...thanks for sharing such a piece..well done my friend...
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oh WOW!!!
you know, sometimes, we all go 'just a little bit wild'. we ALL have to climb that mountain, it's better than rolling up a hill... and I DO LIKE WILDFLOWERS!!!
good write. love gypsyfish
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wow, i really like that. i loved the way you comparied the flowers to little girls in velvet dresses. such imagery there. it has a nice flow to it, also i like the you started and ended with "she grows wild still and even". personaly i would have also repeated the line "amid the world of progress" in the last stanza.
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As for reader interpretation, I was getting an idea about a girl struggling in society, a girl with a great spirit. Critically, I would say that I didn't like some of the repetition. Especially "drought" being in two consecutive stanzas. Thanks for entering and sorry it has taken me so long to comment.
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I liked this poem great job
I enjoyed these lines
and blown away
carpets a countryside
in flood or drought
and pure delight
in waves of wildflower
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