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A Vicious Cycle

O God

I feel like my thoughts
have been trapped
inside the worlds washing machine

enslaved in societies soap
of what they believe is right

someone has thrown in
too much bleach this time
my opinions are now washed out

the water is too hot
scorching my mind
the rinse is too cold
numbing my beliefs

spinning till i am ragged
gasping for breath
so hard to make decisions
when there's only one way to turn

God, take me out quick!

dry me with your brilliance
hold me FAST
with your clothes pins of certainty
that you promise to take me off
then wear me every day
and in the clear mirror
showing what I look like

when we are close

Author notes

We are so beautiful and the world is right when we are close to God.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • written-in-ink
    August 8, 2008
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    i love this. especialy the "too much bleach"

  • Justin3
    July 23, 2008

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    I'm not usually a religious person, but the emotions in this poem are so passionately expressed that I cannot help but be enthralled.Well done!


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    July 18, 2008
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    Nicely done!

    Very well written!!

    Gl in contest
    -Mandi

  • coddledsoul
    June 22, 2008
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    Haha loved the metaphors used! really entertaining! Keep up the good work!


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    June 22, 2008
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    Bandit appreciation!

    Thank you Kalamina for this wonderful write and adding it to Bandits reading list

    ~Lilac


  • Lady Altheia
    June 21, 2008

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    I like your metaphors. I liked "society's soap of what they believe is right" Everyone seems to be on a soap box.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    June 20, 2008
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    I really love the way you have constructed such a beautiful poem based around the most mundane of items (and frustrating ones at times )... this is a lovely dedication and you have done amazingly well at pulling it off - although I do agree with quantumsurveyor about the little bits in need of editing... thank you so much for sharing!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • ronnica
    June 19, 2008

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    I am sure He is listening, and bubbling for us, until the time is right, sympathetically and cleverly woven and a very enjoyable read,


  • Dark Otter
    June 19, 2008

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    I enjoyed the thought

    of such comparisons. Almost in a sense a prayer asking for god's grace and blessings. Thanks for the share.


  • Sharcu silver member
    June 19, 2008

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    Very raw emotions in the poem, and I like the extended metaphor of the world like a washing machine. A nicely written cry for help from God... Best of luck in the contest!

  • Shadow Darkstar
    June 17, 2008

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    I see a connection between a Christian's beliefs, and a....washing machine? Never thought I'd see that combination! Creative write none-the-less. I have to agree with Lkm, I'm not very religious, and the religion I do have....most people don't agree with. But this was indeed penned well, and it did catch my imagery making system...thingie. You know, that thing that helps you create pictures in yoru head?

    Keep penning, Poet.


  • quantumsurveyor
    June 17, 2008

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    An amusing yet pertinent prayer. Couple of possessives that you might care to adjust: societies soap could be better expressed as society's soap; worlds washing machine should read world's washing machine. Nicely penned.


  • Elle Kaye
    June 16, 2008

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    Im not religeous myself, so this is not normally the sort of poem i would enjoy reading, but i liked the way you have this penned. Nice job, and thankyou for sharing this with us. Good Luck in the contest


  • Twinstar
    June 16, 2008
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    This is a unique poem, I like the first two stanzas, about in the worlds washing machine, I immediately thought of "Brain-washing machine" would be more accurate. great job on this! and yes we can be cleansed and renewed when we walk in the light of God.

    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • Mistress Masquerade
    June 16, 2008

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    I may not be religious at all, but I still enjoyed your write. The imagery was very unique and fit perfectly with what you were portraying. Great write.

1 - 15 of 15