It is not a careless weight
Within each death beneath you,
The laying down of arms.
Preposterous, an awkwardness
Becomes forgotten, holy
Satellites align. The moon
Escapes telluric,
Epiphanies birth shiny suns.
Connected to your tongue
Space splits time more sudden,
Miracles return themselves,
Archaic bones grow wings,
Gravity begins a psalm
Low in the heavens. The stars
Follow horizons, your eyes,
Conquer the carnal completely,
Blush with a dangerous faith.
And the only things trembling now
Are my legs as they curl around you,
The palms of your occupied hands
And the knot of desire in my mouth.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Mummy, I've got a sniffy!
Blush with a dangerous faith.
this is a wonderful piece. It is not just simply a collection of great lines as
Gravity begins a psalm low in the heavens.
it is a piece of writing one desires to read and there is no greater compliment I could give you as this pops up from a veritable cesspool I have waded through today at AP. Liza - i loved this
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worth the wait
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careless weight... two words perfect together
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Aj ... i have been lately writing a closing line and writing up from there ending with a title ... i have always respected deeply your work ... Liza has always been a teacher ... an educated softness from the begining with a deliberate hardness at the end ...
i agree with you, a strong write ... *cheers* m8
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you know this contest is gonna be hell to judge don't you...lol
this is so good Liza, i have been watching your skilled use of enjambment, especially lately and you have effected my own use of line breaks, so i guess i owe you a thank you
this is great, but you know i read this both with and without the final line... both are equally strong but
"And the knot of desire in my mouth"
is one hell of a closing line...
love it the way it is, dont mind me i have a long list of closing lines that are waiting for their poem to be written, so my eye is always on the hunt for them...lol
strong contender here...
al -
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I do... lol yes..
Thank you, though your 'style' has also influenced mine, so I owe you one as well I think
that last line, came, went, came ....went.. funny the reason I put it there, was because I wasn't sure the line before it was strong enough to end on..
Liza -
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well i guess that's what is so good about this place, the kinetic energy of poets..
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Straight and to the point
It is a good write it speaks in volume of the wants and desires for another
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Al has his hands full with this one
wonderful piece of writing
peace Muddy
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thank you
and I agree..
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This is beautiful, and a little dirty, and then more beautiful. Lovely stuff!
Best wishes in the contest.
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Positively Devastating!
The majority of the poem seems very considerate to a partner, gentle and yet so situated in the energy of the 'act'. Then are also considerations which reach for a largeness of appreciation and quality of pleasure in expansion.
Then:
'And the only things trembling now
Are my legs as they curl around you,
The palms of your occupied hands'
This is more directly interactive and I think vividly sexy.
THEN:
'And the knot of desire in my mouth -- very appealing
Each time you fuck me — deeply.'
-- hard strong, real, given over to raw feeling.
This crucial end part actually like a 'thunder-bolt', of connection, real, strong and resonating with instant penetration to deep ground-based animality, like an instant awakening.
IT"S BRILLIANT!!! .......... and a very difficult expression to follow. To put over the essential and complete constituents, the wholeness of the degrees and levels each finding their natural place in the sexual act, is I feel a massive undertaking.
Expression happens between relative polarities which I think have been used to a truly amazing effect here.
'Within each death beneath you,' - This along with the ending are very favourite with me.
Sol
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You are wonderful
and that's all I am going to say
beyond thank you...
very .... much
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back to read this and to refrain
life is the only gift you have to pay for
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"it is not a careless weight"
Nor is this a careless structure, constructed of steel-spun grace and wings of weightless desire -- a flight beyond this mundane into the realm of holy burning stars...that place where you dwell in a lightness of being.
You, as always, transcend the obvious with a gift of words that layer metaphors in a multude of translation - a bable of tongues -- yet, each with meaning in a myriad network of synaptic connection....straight to the heart of the beast via a flaming arrow of surrender.
Religions rise, religions fall, but desire burns complete and always in the citadel of the mind -- that one place that can dance with the universe while enthroned in the flesh.
Superb.
No...wait....FUCKING superb.
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OH
Excellent work ! But of course ! Only from you!
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lovely unctuous words
so rich
elaine
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I feel silly. I found this more beautiful, than dirty. But I also understand what you were doing here. That ending is the part that is so, final. But not dirty. Not to me, at least. Human though. The fourth stanza is mesmerizing. There are also some strangely abstract and somewhat plausible things within...The "birthing of shiny suns" out of epiphanies, the "archaic bones grow wings" bit...It is all rather mysterious and yet, you understand while at the same time you are rereading parts. I have to say that I am rather drawn to the middle parts more so than the end and the beginning. I think those are so full of imagery and dripping with substance. Not that the rest is bad, just, less emotionally spoken, for me. Always stew over your poems. No crits. At least right now. If I do think of something you can bet your liza ass that I will be back.
Lovely post. Move mountains, you do.
;
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thank you
and I know you will 
that ....CAN be counted on.
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Yes I of course, will. Though right now you perfect thing you...with all your poesy just so...What's to critique! Damn I so want to rape something...LOL.
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This is wonderful poetry, Liza. I like the way this poem moves from the "higher" things - the moon, sun, stars, space, heavens - to the very earthy and carnal at the end.
Simply loved this one - stunning poetry!!
~ Nicolette
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This is really good. I know that when ever I see a post from you, I won't be disappointed, this is no exception.
Wowser.
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All sounds remarkably good to me!
... and again, written with such excellence.
Sol
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great title
unexpected- dirty, deep poetry
i love archaic bones grow wings
excellent
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Wow, you're talent never ceases to amaze me! How on earth you make this sound so poetic is beyond me. Good luck in the contest.
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can't see nothing dirty in this...
you have to decide if you want to use more slang words
or completely remove them
fornicating under the consent of king but I see no king around
only a desire and the search
'each time deeper' would be enough
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filthy dirty... i feel so unclean!! lolol well, maybe not.. or a little.. and oohh i am so glad to have had the pleasure of seeing this one grow .. and the ending
ohh man!! stunning.. knotty
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