Without you,
I feel your presence everywhere,
walking beside me through
the mundane and the trying
Fingers entwined with mine when I miss you,
arms wrapped around me when I'm afraid
I stare at the wall and laugh
at something you might have said,
had you been here.
You make me crazy and sane at the same time.
I passed the tree we spoke of today, and you
wouldn't believe how warm I felt inside
just to be seeing something you'd seen
I picked a leaf and put it in my pocket,
beside your laugh and your love and
all the other treasures I keep there
And the distance between us is secondary, because
not once have I felt
without you
In a list
A contest entry
- Without You. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended September 26, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I've been looking back and I completely adore your poems... and okay especially the most which are 'in our sharing' which I absolutely love most in the world. Not only are they such a wonderfully loving gift to you and me... but they really are exquisite in their own write
right!
I mean it... you are very talented... I'm so, so lucky!
... and I'm so glad that you know you are never without me.
I love you to bits!
X X X
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Very powerful!
Glad you picked this contest to participate in! You've added a lot to it! Best of luck!
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Aww love this! I am sure that many of us can relate to this. It's so funny how just one person can make us feel this way. Great write!♥
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This has a lovely feeling of warm connectedness between souls. Delightful "laugh at something you might have said, had you been there." Outstanding "you make me crazy and sane at the same time." A sense of knowing someone so very well, you could confidently predict their reaction to a given scene.
Beautiful "I picked a leaf and put it in my pocket, beside your laugh and your love and all the other treasures I keep there."
I enjoyed your full-circle, beginning and ending "without you" and the counterpoint of the title, "With you". Very enjoyable read.
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Ohhh, I like! This poem reminded me of a couple songs: "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch, not a great song, and “Without You I’m Nothing” by Placebo, an amazing song.
This poem was quite interesting; I love the twist at the end. That created a whole new layer to this piece.
Is everything from the first line to “had you been here” supposed to be all one sentence? That’s quite the long-run
. I’d suggest inserting a couple more periods in that first part to help the flow some.
I enjoyed the sounds of mine and entwined together, that was nice!
I think you should be a little more careful with ands, I got a little tripped up with so many of them in the fifth stanza, and you start the sixth with an and as well. I’d suggest playing around with those two stanzas, seeing if there are any ands you can replace with a comma or something.
Everything else is very nice. Great work here!
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Wooh, you're right! That IS a lot of 'ands'!
I'll look at playing with that later.
And I'd started playing around with not putting periods at the end of a stanza (after some suggestions) so, no, each stanza is a new sentence, thus the lack of periods. (Oh, although now I notice I did put one after 'crazy and sane' line
)
Thanks for your comment!
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Ah..this is very much coming from the deep of your heart..I love this piece....well done..and thanks for such a wonderful piece...
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wonderful!! wow!
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Awww, beautifully done! I love the stanza
"I picked a leaf and put it in my pocket,
beside your laugh and your love and
all the other treasures I keep there"
What a wonderful idea and I could see you doing this, you softy you (LOL).
Fantastic take on the prompt and so heartfelt...
Excellent!
Ken
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"How warm I felt inside, just to be seeing something you had seen"...I love this line, it lingers as does the 'seeing' through beloved's eyes. This is a keeper, both the poem and the person. Peace always, Rhonda
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Thank you Rhonda
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And absolutely stunning write.. I felt the emotion and the beauty of the love, though not near, felt intensely... I really love this!!
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... within
I love you
Sol X
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oohh yes... beautimous... and crying now here.. damn you woman. i feel this, especially today...
sigh sigh
beautiful
for you
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thank you
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