Hours have piled upon my eyes
weariness takes flimsy disguise
and I know the weight of waiting
curious searches slow to crawls
moments fixate upon blank walls
words find echoes and empty rings
the small truth that governs all
that day rises as night falls
murmurs go to roost, thoughts fold wings
good night covets fair light of reason
comes winter rest and fall of seasons;
life betrayed by touch of time and leaving.
A contest entry
- Touch by Naridill.
1000 points, ended June 22, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I love this. The complete, overall feel is almost claustrophobic, in the best way possible 'hours have piled upon my eyes... i know the weight of waiting...the small truth that governs all that day rises as night falls' a wonderful write. Honest, simple, beautiful.
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It seems beautiful but the words don't match. I feel something awkward on a whole with this piece. The imagery shines but the flow or smoothness doesn't fit right.
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thank you for the comments...PK
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This sounds like a lonely night, lost in thoughts...
When time seems to touch a deep spot in our mind and makes us wonder about so many things.
Season after season, and there is a time when they all feel the same.
I liked your poem and the use of rhymes, made it flow nicely without being obvious.
Another well written poem!
Mari
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