Light and airy
Takes off in flight
As the wind blows by
Act as a mirror
As I can see myself in you
You burst open
Like all my shattered dreams
But I can always make you new
As I have myself so many times
Everyone loves you
You have have so many friends
Just like me in a sense
You are like my crystalball
Of my youth
Because I could always see right through you
You bring joy
Into peoples life
You are the fountian of my youth
Author notes
YAY! I like bubbles!
A contest entry
- Quickie: Bubbles by Folklor.
600 points, ended June 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is pretty good.
I can see how the main character has been changed by the other person very well. You did a great job with that.
Nice work.
-
'As I can see myself in you
You burst open
Like all my shattered dreams'
GREAT PERSONIFUICATION HERE!
the bubble seems so real I can touch it and its so personal becasue your refelction can bee seen in it like a mirror.
'Everyone loves you
You have have so many friends'
This is a very sweet line, giving the bubble a life and in many ways it is true.
'You are like my crystalball
Of my youth'
this is brilliant best line in your poem for me the fact that it has preserved your memory within them, your suggesting that the bubbles are magic and then you suggest that the bubbles are valuable like your life and that they will play an important role in your future.
'Because I could always see right through you
You bring joy'
a great set of mataphores here and the personal emotion you give to the reader as well as yourself. a poem with emotion is a good poem because it represents a memory or feeling that make the words special.
'Into peoples life You are the fountian of my youth'
the ending was nice but you used youth already and it felt repeated try to say this a different way
well done a good poem
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