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Broken Butterfly.

 

 

 

She lost so much of her pride,

she dreaded looking at herself;

the friends in which she did confide,

see her as someone else.

The once loving, lingering eyes -

that saved so many saddened souls.

Now lies hidden behind a disguise,

bitter, hurt and out of control.

How she struggle to feel a thing,

when she scoffs at lover's ties.

She knows it once meant everything,

but now it's just stupid little lies.

A tainted girl who lost all her hope,

when one man let her slip away;

alas the last time a man will elope,

without another word to say.

She's made a full grown man cry

and made a heartless one mourn.

Since her heart has finally defied,

she laughs or worse, just scorns.

But one day a butterfly again she'll be,

settling upon the sky and showing love.

Upon the winds she'll set the pain free,

she'll make sure that hope is enough.

In a list

A contest entry

♥ Poetry is from the heart. Did I hit yours? ♥

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • Wow. It's truly a great poem. Most of the ones that rhyme don't flow as well, and they're kind of choppy because the rhyming seems forced, but I like this one. It portrays my feelings almost exactly. Amazing. I did find one typo, that you might want to consider revising, ''How she struggle to feel a thing'' I think, should be ''How she struggles to feel a thing''

    Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. ♥


  • aanika
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How she struggle to feel a thing,
    when she scoffs at lover's ties.
    She knows it once meant everything,
    but now it's just stupid little lies.

    nice use of rhyme
    I liked this piece.


  • Brit-Girl
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a nice poem, the rhyme is even, and the ending is good!
    thank you for your entry,


  • sophia moonfairy
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful ...just beautiful I can actually feel the emotional in this piece good luck in the contest


  • after-silence
    July 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so tragic and uplifting at the same time! I like the metaphor you used and I'm really touched by the emotion. I think it could be a little better if edited for grammar and possibly meter; a few errors or inconsistencies stand out, but they really don't detract too much from the poem. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for entering my contest!


  • Darkwell
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this poem is really angry hiding in sweet verses

    i like the descripting of how shes been torn down by bad relationships i totally relate and probably everybody does an the word uses like tainted an dreaded an heartless bring the emotions in great

    its got meter and rhythm challenges but you can fix that pretty easy



  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. I love how it tells a story and yet it does not end in tragedy. There is a speck of hope left that us yet to be lost and it makes the entire read worth while, making it shine. Wonderful take on the picture.

  • schellou
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    Good luck


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes that is all you need, this is a wonderfully sad poem that i kind of smiled as i read i know weird but i was enticed by it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • XkatsuneX
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This gives me the feeling of.... This is adorable?
    I don't know how to explain that exactly.
    For some reason i feel that perhaps more would make this better?
    If you gave more of the story i think it would make me feel more, make me get into it more.
    its a cute piece.
    tweak it and it could be more: )
    good luck in the contest.
    your rhyme was great


  • Nephlim
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really loved how fluidly you rhymed, it barely felt like there was any rhyming, it fit so well into the lines . So beautiful ^-^
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly


  • CharcoalScreams
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    im not sure what to say.. this write is so amazing. good luck in the contest, definately gold trophy material! well done, keep it up
    XxX


  • Iridessa MoonFlower
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed reading this, a lot! Filled with lot of sadness. But reality is always sad. Good write, & good luck in the contest! In Love & Light... ~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~

  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u131/rosedarkthorn/Pictures/Butterflies/7f2525f8.jpg

    If this one doesn't work, let me know and I'll send you one more.

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