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Bubbling Over





Tiny fingers push into the bottle top
Giggles ring in air as the wands pop out

Rainbow's swirl as the bubbles flow
swirling colors flash in circular form

Bubbles to pop
Bubbles to catch
Bubbles to play with in tiny hands.

All kids love to play with bubbles they create
Laughing and giggling the whole day through

Colors that swirl and pop on eddies of air
Try to catch one next time your there






A contest entry

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Comments


  • Folklor
    June 16, 2008

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    this was a fantastic poem dude! here are a few suggestion to make this even better! but they are just suggestions please ignore me if you do not agree.

    'Tiny fingers push into the bottle top
    Giggles ring((s?)) in air as the wands pop ((out))'not needed you have captured a perfect image without it

    'Rainbow's swirl as the bubbles flow
    swirling colors flash *in circular form*'

    a beautiful set of descriptions
    the bits where i have put the stars round either get rid of to emphasise the flash which is fantastic or try to say what you mean in a different way maybe you could move this little bit before the flash becasue the flash shoulf be emphasised at the end such a good word you have used!


    'Bubbles to pop
    Bubbles to catch
    Bubbles to play with in tiny hands.'

    this was perfect loved the way you used bubbles at the begginning of each line and changed the endings. very effective.

    '((All kids)) love to play with bubbles they create
    Laughing and giggling the whole day through'

    be ambiguous here why say all kids every one loves bubbles im 19 lol i play with them lol i suggest you either say they or everyone here

    'Colors that swirl and pop on eddies of air
    Try to catch one next time your there'

    gah never repeat words unless it is obviously deliberate new images need to replace 'swirl and pop but the ending was fantastic suggesting that if you catch a bubble you will gain the hidden magic inside them.

    well done I enjoyed this poem alot.


  • Princess Perdue gold member
    June 15, 2008

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    Lovely take on the picture, took me right back to being a kid!...love how you have worded this and the imagery is spot on. Good luck in the contest sis with this beautiful entry. Well done!

    Love ya loaaaads

    Shaz