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I Died Tonight

Pure skin untouched
eyes know not the truth
Hands tremble in waiting
as my heart slowly stops

No air can come to lungs;
oxygen is a strong myth.

The night is cool on flesh
and the moon glows brightly.
Water lightly splashes my feet,
yet isn't as cold as my dead heart.

No footsteps can be heard;
no one knows where I lay to rest.

In blind faith I came to you,
but you yourself never showed.
I told myself not to care
because deep down this would be the last time.

Alas, in bitter hope I died...



Author notes

Picture Prompt - photobucket ~Unheiligechris

"I am wonderful"

Hope you like.

A contest entry

What to do in an insane world?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • whits end silver member
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very dark and thought provoking!! Well done.


    • SuicidalLover
      June 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you. I'm glad you thought it as thought provoking...didn't think people would think that!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was very well done and it is the type I am looking for. Thank you also for reading the rules I dislike having to repeat myself so it is always a joy when someone follows rules. Now back to the poem. I loved the lines and how they flowed it was a real work of art. Thank you for sharing


  • jcat gold member
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    So much sadness and pain...conveyed in such an eloquent way!! Very beautifully done and best wishes


  • Iridessa MoonFlower
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I think this was a great take on the picture. So sad & revealing. Your words mesmerized me once again. I love you background too! Awesome all the way around... Good luck in the contest! In Love & Light... ~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~


  • maralisa silver member
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Pure skin untouched
    eyes know not the truth
    Hands tremble in waiting
    as my heart slowly stops
    The night is cool on flesh
    and the moon glows brightly.
    Water lightly splashes my feet,
    yet isn't as cold as my dead heart.

    No footsteps can be heard;
    no one knows where I lay to rest.

    In blind faith I came to you,
    but you yourself never showed.
    I told myself not to care
    because deep down this would be the last time.

    Alas, in bitter hope I died...
    No air can come to lungs;
    oxygen is a strong myth.a great poem full of raw emotions and sadness good luck in the contest

  • Nighttime angel
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is quite sad, powerful words. I felt so much pain while reading this poem that you have written. the last 5 lines spoke the loudest to me. excellent take on the prompt.

    good luck

    kat

  • Nighttime angel
    June 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    http://photobucket.com/image/dark/unheiligechris/9323119qj7.jpg?o=82

    you don't like it, you get one more chance.

    kat


    • SuicidalLover
      June 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I like it mommy. Give me an half hour to read into it. Getting some vibes off....just not clear yet.

1 - 9 of 9