When we make love
When we make love;
Bound to the bed, my body is yours,
flat on my back or on all fours.
Take me hard or take me slow,
Coming together our juices flow.
When we make love;
Whip me, flog me make me feel,
your loving touch makes me heal.
All my fears fade away,
when we begin to play.
When we make love;
Naked bodies grind against each other,
you’re my friend, my partner, my lover.
Passion’s ignited within our heart,
our love is true, never to part.
When we make love,
your body fits me like a glove.
With love and care you enter my hole,
we’ve now merge, body mind and sole.
We are one when we make love.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge FINAL Round (Season 6) by Master Ktulu.
3500 points, ended June 17, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I loved this! Erotic and yet thoughtful!
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thank you
ang
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Spelling/grammar/punctuation=18
Presentation/creativity=20
How well you handled the challenge=20
'grab me' effect=20
overall=19
Total 97/100
Other than a few grammer errors I really liked this I feel you have done well with it I like the flow and the rhyming. -
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 18
merge should be merged
sole should be soul
Presentation/creativity = 17
This didn't flow very well for me (almost seemed forced) and perhaps the word whole instead of hole could've been worked in there (With love and care you enter and make me whole) or something similar
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'grab me' effect = 19
I'm afraid this one didn't really grab me as much as it could've - yes, you managed to incorporate a softness to the BDSM scene, but no matter how good it was, I couldn't get past the fact that the flow was very erratic (no, not erotic, ERRATIC lol!
)
overall = 18
TOTAL = 92/100
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Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 18
I think that in the last stanza either merge should be merged or we've should be we. Also, sole should be soul.
Creativity/ presentation: 20
I love how you gave BDSM a soft side, well done.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Grab me effect: 20
Overall: 19
Had it not been for a couple of minor mispellings, this would have gotten a perfect score.
______________________
Total: 97
**Master Ktulu** -
Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 17
merge - merged
sole - soul
one or two places missed commas
Creativity/ presentation: 20
Lovely piece. Love the incorporation of kink and making love here - you never get the sense of it just being a fuck. Plus the meter of this poem speeds it along to its perfect closing. It fits with your theme and makes it fast paced and fun to read.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Grab me effect: 20
You had me all the way through hun.
Overall: 20
Total: 97 -
'Bound to the bed, my body is yours'
Oh my...do you really mean it?
'flat on my back on all fours'
what a magnificent sight!
'Take me hard or take me slow'
I'd try both ways
'coming together our juices flow'
that would be the climax, my love!
'When we make love'
anxiously waiting
'whip me, flog me, make me feel'
I'll feel you in all possile ways
'your loving touch makes me heal'
Let me heal you, cutie!
right now!
'All my fears fade away
when we begin to play'
I'd play with my sweet doll for the whole night, baby!
'When we make love
Naked bodies grind against each other'
I love to watch you naked...
grinding along with my naked body
'you're my friend, my partner, my lover'
yes, I'm your lover....
and you're my beloved..
.my darling...
my sweetheart...
'Passion's ignited within our heart'
perpetual passion that keeps us warm and lustful
'When we make love
your body fits me like a glove
Wow...what a beautiful expression!
'With love and care you enter my hole'
to explore the sweetness you have been hiding, my lovely doll!
We've now merged, body mind and soul
We're one when we make love'
Sure...we are...
So let's make love, cutie!...RIGHT NOW!
Kissesssss all over.....
Galaxy2
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