lonely as a cloud, raining down
drilling holes, drumming moulds
filled with puddles, unique liquids
brimming mirrors of soul, buckets of foam
collect in a well, patently stolen
for private consumption, publicly mourned.
A contest entry
- plight of the individual by unraveled.
2000 points, ended July 19, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me exactly what you think; no holds barred!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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now this has got me thinking abit. altho I do like abstractness within it's consumption within my mind.
Interesting flow
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i liked this, i found the imagery easy to relate to and understand yet still very deep. the first two lines drew me in... i agree with matt, "unique liquids" is a little odd but alright. i also enjoyed the line "brimming mirrors of soul"... but i'm not sure i understood the ending all the way. possible typo- patently should be patiently?
overall very nicely done. a fresh take on the 'plight of the individual'. thank you for the entry,
-cassidy
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ooh. i like that word now
thanks for sending that along
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I like how it's reminiscent of 'patent'---I would have used that if rhythm didn't dictate my every move
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I like your style. the imagery "brimming mirrors of soul" is excellent.
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love the sound
unique liquids leaves a funny taste
oh
I see the Qs
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I was in two minds about "liquids"---was going to use 'droplets', but thought the Q's were cute together
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