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Dawn

Clustered
black clouds await,
on the pale horizon,
the rising sun's pink, red, orange
tinges.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Papillon1
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    what a beautiful picture you paint of early day..waking up, meditating, drinking coffee, refreshed!


  • jasminerose
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful vivid imagery capturing the essence of dawn... Just lovely in its form and presentation!
    I wish you all the best in the contest!!
    Jasminerose


    • Shenton silver member
      June 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou for reading and commenting, and for your kind applause.

      Best wishes from 'down-under'.

      Shenton


  • 2lullabyhaven
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and wispy; just loving it lol and good luck


  • waydownuponjoy
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I like the analogy ...

    and yet I think that you're one syllable short in line #4 (should be 8 syllables) but then maybe you pronounce them differently since you're an Aussie/ Brit LOL!! They do that with my name in the south, Joy comes out as JO-EY! LOL. Anyway, I get the drift of your cinquain. joy

    • Shenton silver member
      June 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the / ri / sing / sun's / pink,/ red,/ or / ange - I make it eight syllables. How do you make it seven?

      I know USA English and Brit/Aussie English often count syllables diff/rent/ly for words like mys/try and his/try.

      Thankyou for reading and commmenting, and for applauding.

      Best wishes from 'down-under'.

      Shenton


  • Keystone Theater
    June 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    One thing I like is how I can read "black clouds await" both literally and as a metaphor for troubles. It's a beautiful scene of a equally beautiful morning, though it possibly bodes ill.

    What is the old saying? "Red in the morning, Sailors take warning. Red at night, sailor's delight." Something like that.

    • Shenton silver member
      June 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting, and for your generous applause.

      I'm Brit by birth and Aussie by adoption and my memory of your 'old saying' is:

      Red sky at night, shepherd's delight,
      red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning.

      The Italian equivalent is:

      Sera rossa e bianco mattino,
      allegro il pellegrino.

      'A red evening and a white white morning rejoice the pilgrim'.

      Best wishes from 'down-under'.

      Shenton

  • Judith Chandler
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. Looks like it conforms to the cinquain form; I'm going to take it on faith. I like the imagery and the colours.

    Good luck.

1 - 9 of 9