I tripped while walking
on the path of Buddha
and claimed my shoes
flat. flatter and gone.
with slapped
feet on the ground,
trying to mimic
the great and the greater good –
I announced life’s paradigm
as nirvana’s ray fell
as mist on my forehead
milky-ways and silk-routes
were like matters;
liquefied choice
I moved ahead
then made Tennyson, a monk
I murdered Alexander Pope
vein to vein,
I knotted his words
in my way and along my bridge
of thoughts, verses
I made a sky
to tear apart from galaxies
gravity was a magic trick
so, I became Icarus
ignorant of flight and solar pull.
Author notes
neblina [esha]
chose: Phineas Red
"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - Miss Vivie Warren
for Icarus.
A contest entry
- The Inner Circle [2] - Invite Only by Never Fall in Love.
1350 points, ended July 2, 11 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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"liquefied choice"
Amazing
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sigh...
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"and claimed my shoes
flat. flatter and gone."
wow.
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wow, this was great
wonderful write, and lovely job with the prompt, good luck in the contest, and take care
stephanie
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don't burn yourself girl, your wings are solid and can carry the load...
well done with this one.. liked the imagery you've portrayed here..
sunblinded...
Gilly.x
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This poem is very well written...I wish you luck in the contest....
~*~Lauren~*~ -
Nit-picks:
"milky-ways and silk-routes
were like matters;
liquefied choice"
- I didn't much care for this stanza. Think it's the whole "liquefied choice" image at the end. Stunty. also I think this: "with slapped
feet on the ground" - is an odd way to begin a stanza. Feels more like the middle thoughts, instead of the beginning. Almost like you flipped things, but in doing so, kind of smashed the flow up. That ending though is supper hot.
I think your poetry is often so abstract, but yet, beautiful. I really loved the last few stanza's that began with "I"...Powerfully penned.
;
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damn spammers.
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in my way and along my bridge
of thoughts, verses
I made a sky
to tear apart from galaxies
very powerful image. The whole poem feels like a gentle pull from physical matters, a reemerging or rebirth of sorts.
Great opening stanza too.
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Wow! this was an amazing poem!
very powerful and I can tell it came straight from your heart. I really loved this and I hope maybe you could comment some of mine too!
thanx!
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