I twist and bend for beautiful art
To him, I want to give my heart
But the organ I'm forming,
lacks of the shape
I yearn to most forward
It plans to escape
I was almost done,
til it started to inflate
Living life alone
I have met my fate
A contest entry
- ~photo prompt~ by peridotPixi.
425 points, ended June 16, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Thank you for this entry to my contest, i like the ideia you use here and that the heart lacks the shape, it is very creative, im sure you will find someone someday, its not that bad being alone, i've been there, good luck in the contest and as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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When I first read this poem, I was pretty confused. I could see what you were trying to say, yet I couldn't put my finger on it.
Then I saw the picture from the contest, and it makes ALOT more sense.
One thing I think I'd like to add is that I think your rhyming is a tad bit forced. Although it still has great rhythm, its simple and powerful; I think the rhyming needs a LITTLE improvement. But if you saw the things I used to write, this is sooo much better.
This is merely my opinion about it, if you think its great and needs no change, or there's something I missed, please disregard my const. crit.
As for the contest itslef, I think you did a really good job for the specified picture.
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Wow! this was an amazing poem!
very powerful and I can tell it came straight from your heart. I really loved this and I hope maybe you could comment some of mine too!
thanx!
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