Life was perfect
(but is that even possible?)
You kept your promise
(as foolish as it was.)
We're getting married just like you said
(why does this feel so wrong?)
Your face held a smile
(yet I was looking at another.)
Like a child, innocent and naive, you did not notice
(how could you not, when it was so obvious?)
Your eyes, shining like light, held my image
(someone else held my heart.)
Innocence destroyed, oh that fateful day
(i truly am sorry it turned out like this.)
Your eyes held contempt, yet a look of despair
(you waited to long.)
Nothing could change the past, present, future
(it couldn't be helped, he a bird, dove in for the kill.)
I ran away on that fateful day
(and into the arms of another.)
Author notes
option 4
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites!! Send em on over! by perfectsunset.
800 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unappreciated Brilliance by KayJay.
1300 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What if....? by AutumnsFlame.
1069 points, ended September 29, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended June 28, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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so powerful, this poem is amazing like i love how you did the thoughts in () it gave the poem such a cool speed and so one such a great poem :]
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I really liked your poem. I loved the way you wrote in what you thought. The only thing is line 16 "to should be "too." Again great write, I hope you win.
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I don't know if this really happened, but it's ever so sad when this kind of thing does happen, as more than one heart is broken and nobody can be made to feel better. I'd cruel in many ways to egg someone on, but at the same time there's no easy way to say 'I love someone else, though I told you I'd be with you forever'. It must be hard. Well wrote though.
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Are you sure you picked option #4?.... I think I might have to DQ this... because it really doesn't follow the option at all... I don't know what to say about this... it was okay I guess... Thank you for entering my contest.
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What a great write... it holds your attention and pulls you in... the use of thought phrasing (dirty pretty? - still haven't figured out what that is
) is a very powerful device used effectively here.
I think this is a wonderful piece of work... Thank you for sharing...Truly, this is what I was hoping for... and it's unappreciated no longer.
Ken
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Aww that has got to kill./ I know what it feels like to be broken hearted; but after being in a committed relationship for so long & falling for someone else; if that ever happened to me I'd be so crushed.
This poem was so beautifullu expressed emotions of brutal rejection after years of what they "thought" was love.
Amazing.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
wow...I love the use of dirty pretty to show that you are second quessing your self...very well written....
~*~Lauren~*~
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