I decided to be silent
And quietly gather the lies you had spoken.
Waiting for the perfect chance
When I would know that you could be broken.
Your whispered words were so cruel
I know somehow that you had a plan.
You wished to destroy me
But you didn't have a clue before you began.
I was always a step in front
But I would hide in the shadows of your mind.
Your eyes were forever searching
But it's your sanity you shall soon need to find.
You thought you knew your mission
But you should have studied your prey.
Don't fight with the unknown
When at the end it's yourself you betray.
And once you destroyed yourself
You set your eyes upon my caustic smile.
You realised I was judge and jury
And it was you that was on trial.
Author notes
Vanessa Reen - The Break Up
Prompt - secrets/lies
A contest entry
- Dark, Heartless thoughts! by darkstinger.
450 points, ended June 23, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything to Inspire a Lost Soul by SoftlyScreaming.
1200 points, ended June 29, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - by xxRainbowDawnxx.
440 points, ended July 1, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of YOUR Best (PW are now allowed) by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended July 23, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite contest by Sadistic klown girl.
1000 points, ended June 2, 155 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - liars by cazzy71.
311 points, ended September 13, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Karra-Mayy.
1600 points, ended November 21, 321 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Here.We.GO. by RainbowXButterflies.
550 points, ended October 3, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Thought You Had Me? by shysky.
550 points, ended October 28, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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I agree, what wicked webs we weave when first we practice to deceive. People often aren't expecting to have it turned around on them. While the rhythm of the poem was a bit choppy and didn't flow as well as I would have liked, I enjoyed the meaning behind the words and often to me that's entirely more important.
Thank you for entering my contest. I will be reading and judging in the next few days.
Thank you. -
oh wow
what a wicked weave
and you untangled it so nicely in this poem well done
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great words
in your poem......I really liked the 'twist'. I thought it was very nicely written...'you thought you knew your mission but you should have studied your prey'. Good luck in the contest
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wow i love it!!!!!
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amazing
The back ground is so amazing,as is the wording of this work of creative brilliance. I feel this piece,engage with it,relate to it. WOW,WOW and WOW once again. AWESOMELY BRILLIANT. -
Very good!
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Holy cow! That's really good! I like that! Keep up the good work! = ) & good job on all the trophies for this poem!
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"I was always a step in front
But I would hide in the shadows of your mind.
Your eyes were forever searching
But it's your sanity you shall soon need to find.
You thought you knew your mission
But you should have studied your prey.
Don't fight with the unknown
When at the end it's yourself you betray.
And once you destroyed yourself
You set your eyes upon my caustic smile.
You realised I was judge and jury
And it was you that was on trial."
I love this but you did misspell a word the word is realised it should be realized Thank you for sharing and those stanzas are wonderful -
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English
In England it is indeed realised,with s not z,many American words that are using a z,use an s in England/Ireland.
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wow this is an awesome write and congratulations on all the well deserved trophies.
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I Enjoyed Reading This x
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..i read this and i FELT this piece..your caustic smile shines through it all, and i know that sense of gathering yourself and your ammunition, preparing for an inevitable ending..great style..i like your voice.
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I enjoyed this piece.
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You write very good poetry
Thought provoking, useful advice
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Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Nice work here, epecially on the ending which for me was the best stanza. Thanks for the read.
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very nice write, i realy enjoyed reading this, I liked the ryme. thank you for entering
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Never underestimate your prey as the prey turns out to be more cunning and preditory than the hunter and knows the exact moment to strike.Conveyed very well in this poem of yours.Well written with twists and turns.
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OOOOH Vanessa
Very good and sinister! You don't really have to read between the lines for the feel of anger in this. LOL
Hope you are doing well pretty lady. I can call you thast now because I can see your picture. Have a great day my long time friend. "BOO"
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Very strong with a great flow. Love it. Congrats on the trophy!
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I love the turn around, it's what should happen more often to these people who hurt us like this. Glad you got the upper hand. Like the last stanza most, very strong of character.
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Wow this is really good. Its very well written and its worded so great. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..
Shelly -
thank you for entering.. this is something ive been looking for.. it gives me ideas of how to get a rhyme scheme (even from something so simple), what to write about (not necissarily what, but ideas and emotions). this was a great write and it expresses your talent.. good luck.
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This was one of the best poems I have read in a long while. Using the thoughts of a breakup and how someone doesn't always tell the truth. That's great stuff. I love it.
Ray
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I absolutlylove the ending. I dont know that you were aiming for this but at the end it almost seemed like you were speaking of god and man. How man somtimes trys to one up god, thinking they know best, or that they can bribe or trick god into things, but in the end god is always a step ahead and is the one who has final judgement upon us. That is just he impression i got while reading this.
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hey, hey, right on. Many do play others as stupid and want to use him/her for their desires. good for you, you were intelligent enough to know his game, and beat him at it. I say "Good for you". all the best my friend.
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Entrancing
This poem tells a sedistic tale of a battle of wits and overcoming evil. A liar is evil in my book. The rhyme and overall piece was incredible!
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Excellent!! Very well done hun... showing such strength in this, even though being subjected to someone's lies, we can still come out on top, because they always end up betraying themselves in the end!!
I can definitely relate to this from my past relationship!!!
Awesome write!
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Very well written poet. I think there are a lot of people who can relate to this! Good luck in the contest.
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This is great!
I hope you do well in the contest.
You captured, broadened and expanded on the prompt to create a masterpiece!
Well done.
x
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You did such a wonderful job..
The emotions here in this poem was just..
so intense and heartfelt.. There was such wonderful imagery.. and I don't know why but it was like there was some suspence there as well.. The ending was wonderful!!! I really liked it.. You did such a wonderful job.. Best of luck with the contest.. I really hope that this places!!!
Angel
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FUCKIN AWESOME
Wow, I've never in my life read a poem that was so deep and had so many levels of meaning. It was a magnificent pleasure to read this MAGNUM OPUS of yours. The best part was when I realized that it was YOU who was the judge AND the jury; it blew my mind. Your incredible twist ending was very much like a M. Night Shayamalan film; enduring and capturing with a brilliant and ironic twist of FATE.
Please continue your works of incredible genius.
-Love,
LuMi
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But it's your sanity you shall soon need to find.
-my fav line!
wow this was very well written!!
i really aspire to be as talented as you on day! -
bravo!
I really, really liked this.
I think it will do very well in the contest
your rhyme worked so well..it flowed liquidly.
I especially LOVED"
And once you destroyed yourself
You set your eyes upon my caustic smile.
You realised I was judge and jury
And it was you that was on trial.>>excellent closing stanza.
a strong contender.
best of luck in the contest!
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wow this is very very nice, you should place in the contest with this me thinks, i really thought this was beautiful, it was really penned well and brilliantly,
all my love,
kitty xx
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Very niice
Good luck on winning
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AWESOME!!
I totally relate.....lies, betrayal..so hurtful.. Great write
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this really touched my heart..it means alot cause its sorta like my relationship with my mom.
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I hear you seizing control Vanessa... Wonderful!
I'd not gather the 'lies' any more now though, perhaps that's served its purpose. Anyway I don't believe it's 'gathering' them, just recognising them for what they are. Now you don't need to hold them to protect yourself, the protection can be in the great strength of you simply being yourself and so your own unseen 'Nature' can protect you, with no exhaustion on your part.
Best wishes
Sol
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Incredible depth.
Powerful and mind blowing at the ramifications wound into this cryptic piece of work. Cleverly concieved and all I can find fault with is that it may have been better titled "Devious Deception" lolI hope this is not a true story and that your partner is not the cause or the target of this poem.
Barry
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very wise words here very thought provoking as well great job with this one, worked really well
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Very Good. I really liked the lines "I was always a step in front & But I would hide in the shadows of your mind". People that lie, as you know, don't have a clue you are on to them and are just tucking the lies away for the right time.
Good Job
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