Smooth, opal coloured lace-like fringe
encasing jade pupil, rounded and large
reflected around my neck in a pond
in a forest.
A contest entry
- Quickie:: Are you up for it? by Fallen Grace.
600 points, ended June 18, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feedback?
Comments
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Personally I like the,"in a pond in a forest". Reminded of walking throught the wood up north and coming upon the unknown clearing and the glass topped pond therein only disturbed by the wings of dragonflies. Staring down into the water to see the stones beneath as well as the reflection of truth.
good write
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This does sound very pretty like eronrox said. The imagery is absolutly brilliant. I really love this poem. Great job and good luck in the contest!
-♥
Beautifully-Bound -
awww i want run a away in a forest. lol. i like this it sounds all so pretty.
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I like it, I really do. But I was wondering about the last to lines from "in a pond" to "forest." Because you've already used the placement "in" to describe a location, perhaps you'd consider changing the second to something a little less repetitive? How about making me believe it not only is "in" a forest, but "buried" in one? or "submerged" in a pond? Also, what about some sort of ceasura between "Coloured" and "lace" to split up that thought into two bite-sized pieces?
Besides that I really enjoyed it, great work :^)
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