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You Killed Me

I stand there; hurt, immobile
While you stare back at me; dazed and confused
I look down to see a rusted handle, out of my left pectoral

"What is this? What did you do to me?"

She doesn't respond; remain still, stoic
Tilting your head forward, staring at the floor

I put my right hand on my chest
The blood begins to flow; slowly but surely
I scream so loud that no sound is found
I force a tear so hard that my tear ducts dry out

Her head tilts back up facing me
With a look of guilt and remorse; teary
Black mascara dripping as tears; murderer

"I'm sorry. I told you not to love me. You didn't listen."

Whimpers, no strength in her voice
My knees begin to get weak, eyes begin to droop low
A pool of blood begins to form under my feet
It begins to expand outwards towards you

"I thought you loved me..."

"I loved you enough to put you out of your misery...forever"

My legs buckle, I fall; kneeling in the river of anemic juice
Causing a small splash, trickles of blood land upon her face
She approaches slowly; hear the splashing from her feet
Placing both her hands on my shoulders, she leans in
Kisses me on the cheek; causing my heart to skip a beat

"You will be gone soon. Don't worry"

"Why my love? How have I hurt you...?"

"You have never hurt me, only loved me unconditionally."

"I don't understand..."

"That's alright. Now you can love me no more."

My vision begins to blur, words begin to slur
I know my end is near, with no reasoning
She steps away slowly; gazing at me dying
She turns her back to me, exiting my mind

"WAIT!"

With my last ounces of strength I grab the handle
Rip out the blade that has put me here; blood flies
Along with the blade; out comes a large piece
My beating heart; still functional, somehow

"I didn't deserve this...I love you."

My eyes roll back, and all strength is dissipating

My body flops forward; I collapse into my biology

the knife falls forward out of my hand; shuffles along the ground

Makes its way in front of her, as the heart slides off

 

Still beating, still pulsing; calling out her name

She picks up the heart off the ground; blood drips down her hands

She lazily allows it to fall once again, and turns around

Walking away, you can hear a slight sob

My heart cries out for her; I am a victim

 

A broken heart like no other

A broken heart...for loving too much

My heart has died

To this day, it remains on the floor

Beating; sporadically trying to call her name

 

You killed me 

 

"Goodbye..." 

Author notes

Username: hardeepb

Option 2: "Darkness seeps in shadows"

Option 5: Dark pre-write

*This is my favourite pre-write because it's the first time I showed how dark my writing could be...how love and heartbreak could be taken in the most literal of senses...I've never won a gold for it...and a lot of people say it is deserving of one...it does tell an in-depth story but it is still poetic. I loved it right when I finished it...and I hope one day soon I can snatch a gold with it. Enjoy judging...

The poem is about immense levels of heartbreak, that no other could understand but you; the one who feels it so hard. People overestimate the amount of pain one heart can take. I've had my heart broken to the point where I've felt dead before, I'm sure others have too.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 36 of 36
  • Kyah~ I feel my own heart now...

  • She Stole My Voice
    September 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Maybe it will win gold.
    :]


    -Rainbow.


  • BabyBun silver member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great entry - thanks and best of luck.

  • know one
    August 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I genrally dislike any poem relating to murduer,however I like this one,I think you wrote it well,a dark yet enjoyable read,thanks for entering

  • piccola silver member
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well, as I said when I was helping Hetha, dark and gore is not my cup of tea but there was no rule against it and for it's genre it is well done. thank you for entering


  • Polaja Greeters member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have turned the concept of heartbreak into something literal, very macabre. Thank you for entering this contest just a note to ask you to check that you have followed the rules - I wish you the best of luck when it comes to judging!

    Keep writing

    Polly

  • piccola silver member
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, gore and darkness is not my cup of tea, but Hetha may feel differently. I know that poetry doesn't have to be realistic but all of this left me wondering how long a heart ripped out of it's body and away from the brain could actually function?


  • Th3 saviour
    July 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really really liked this one it was so emotional i almost cried


  • The.Tango.Emily
    July 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow that just took my breath away welcome to the finalists


  • Fr3akish Sw33tH3art
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it...its awesome..im speechless


  • xXDarkChildXx
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Heart breaking, and fierce! Full of pain, and love. To love to much, and to be killed because of it. Truly a great write. Excellent I have to say. Full of dark feelings and true images. Something that will make me think for hours. Good luck in the contest.

    xXDCXx


  • peregrin
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, a great story is told here.
    Good luck in the contest!


  • Lonely Christina
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very dark! me likey it! lol
    xoxo- christina


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Held my breath ! you held me on your every word
    Dark imagery and fantastic words you have penned here.
    Best wishes and thank you for your entry
    Julie


  • mcrfan322
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey man great write... i am really looking forward to seeing the rest of ur poems... great words... real emotion... just wat i was looking for... i hope you win.. and good luck..


  • daviscth silver member
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome. I was hanging on every word. Thanks so much for posting in the contest.


  • SignifyingNothing
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very literal interpretation of heartache, to be sure. Definitely dark, gory, and bursting with emotion. Thanks for the entry.


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is a amazing write "I put my right hand on my chest
    The blood begins to flow; slowly but surely
    I scream so loud that no sound is found
    I force a tear so hard that my tear ducts dry out" that was my favorite part. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is what i was looking for in my contest. It was so savagely beautiful. I loved it. Just like amazing. way to go!


  • sophia moonfairy
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing write good luck


  • Strawberry Wolf
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great write good luck!



  • Deathwolf Tasagka
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Cool write, best of luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Deathwolf Tasagka

  • celadia
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Such a story, it kept my interest all the way through.


  • Weetzie bat
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "My legs buckle, I fall; kneeling in the river of anemic juice"
    "My body flops forward; I collapse into my biology"
    "
    To this day, it remains on the floor

    Beating; sporadically trying to call her name"


    I love the intense imagery that you've provided here.
    and I really enjoy the fact that you used words and phrases such as the first two I picked to described the grotesque, disgusting nature of heartbreak.
    However.....I do wish you would've used more of that, more descriptions to go along with your amazing imagery.
    thank you so much for entering my contest.


  • indomitable
    July 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was beautiful in a sad sort of way. the writing itself os gorgeous, but the metaphor and message just rip a person apart. youre right. weve all been there, blessed are those who havent, or not so blessed if you want to get really deep about it. i loved this, thank you.


  • ScarletLetter
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I so very much wish this would have been an entry for my contest,

    it would have made an AMAZING stand out.
    I wrote you down for Gold and everything -

    but i see that I have clicked on the wrong link...


    either way ,

    your words here have made me cry for the realism that screams off this very page...
    You are an outstanding writer.

    And for this pain I must say....

    - it is the "worst" feeling....lo siento mucho mi amigo, lo siento mucho


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omg my head is spinning... @_@ you have no idea what you have just done .... with your words....
    thank you for entering and you deserve a place at the top ....


  • morgan2285
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That is AMAZING!!!...I LOVE the talking parts it really makes the poem!!...good luck in my contest and thanks for entering!!


  • XxemohatexX
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    im feling this its so sad it realy tuchedme i have go through this people wouldnt belive it cuz im only 13 but thats when it hurts the most this is realy good and you have a very good chance


    • morgan2285
      June 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      aww yea...i hate it when people say your to young to be in love....love has no age...


  • z etoile
    June 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow I loved the imagery in this piece. Great job and thanks for entering.


  • Play-A-War
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi thanks for enetering. I'm guessing you didnt read the rules of my contest though? As it said between 12-42 lines. Sorry but i will have to remove your entry sorry.

    It was a good write though


  • A-Daisy-Among-Roses
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    I have no words that can describe how beautiful this piece is. Your imagery, your flow, each word...beautiful. Great write.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Simply Incredible :]

    This write was simply amazing. I'm in complete awe right now. It was so vivid, yet so captivatingly powerful. You did a great job with the imagery, and the dialogue every now and then was a great touch to this piece, showing people how bad heartbreak can be.

    "A broken heart like no other
    A broken heart...for loving too much"

    Some people say you can't love someone too much, but only a certain amount. I agree with your words so much, because I've felt like this before. Incredible :]
    The whole poem was simply stunning and just so mindboggling, I loved the whole thing. Thanks for sharing this and entering :] <3


  • HiddenByTheDark
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so different from the rest but amazin write

  • limechic
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow...this is so different from what you usually write...the guilt, the pain, the confusion...the literal ripping of your heart from your chest...

    A broken heart like no other
    A broken heart...for loving too much
    My heart has died
    To this day, it remains on the floor
    Beating; sporadically trying to call her name

    You killed me

    just....wow. lots of hugs coming your way

1 - 36 of 36