//Mixed up\\
\\Fucked up//
Out of my mind
So lost
So confused
So this is what you see
What have I become
|T|r|a|p|p|e|d| within my self
I’m stuck here
But I don’t know where
My whole life has become a
[n]
[i]
[g]
[h]
[t]
[m]
[a]
[r]
[e]
Take a look
Don’t you see
I don’t know me
I can’t `e`s`c`a`p`e`
You hold the key
Now please set me free
You’re the only one
Who has ever seen
The d.a.r.k.e.r. side of me
So
|u|
|n|
|k|
|n|
|o|
|w|
|n|
In my own |s|k|i|n|
Can’t shed the past
Cause I’m scared
Of a future that won’t last
Wake me from this
[n]
[i]
[g]
[h]
[t]
[m]
[a]
[r]
[e]
What have I become
Everything fading away
D.a.r.k.n.e.s.s. incases me
Who
Where
What am I
!F!
!r!
!e!
!e!
!d!
!o!
!m!
I set it f.r.e.e.
And now I’m |t|r|a|p|p|e|d| (again)
Lost and alone
But you hold the key
R.e.s.c.u.e. me
Author notes
An Unwritten Truth....This is my first real Dirty Pretty and I want feedback...if you'll please...
A contest entry
- [Flash] .Give me love. [Flash] by PrettyxoxPoison.
1200 points, ended June 15, 2008, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DIRTY PRETTY-PW allowed by Heva Feva.
400 points, ended July 3, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
....................
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
Beautiful write, good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
i lik e this its beautiful
well done and great job in useing dp -
Nice work. I'm not too fond of the style, but I love the way your words flow.
-
im not a fan of dp poems but this one is very impressive good work
-
Inspired, by any chance, by "Animal I Have Become" ~ Three Days Grace?
I love that song.
This is very good, especially for a first dp. It's dark and enchanting, and I loved the way you used rhyme only occasionally but very effectively. Well done...
~HH
-
I love your use of repitition. It's q haunting and amazing poem where I am able to connect with the words. I like your use of punctuation and I might have to use it too
Well done.
x -
hey , i liked the format , infact it kind of griped me and the words seaped in smoothly thereafter.
nice work with the dp
cheers
-
forgot my clappys lol
-
Interesting!.....This is actually my first time reading a dirty pretty poem. I liked that it conveyed a deeper thought rather than focusing on capturing the eye with the punctuations. I love the ending two lines. excellent.
-
-
I know that's the thing that turned me off to dirty pretty to start with...that it was all about puntuation, but then I read the amazing one and releazed that not all of them are...this poem orginally was written as a free verse, but I felt that it was missing something...so I desided to try putting it in dirty pretty 'format' and I think it helped...
-
-
Well other than the sad fact that dirty pretty tends to make me a bit motion sick.....I thought that the over all poem was very well done!! Your emotions came across and and the scattered rhyme pattern had a nice flow... Congrats on the bronze!!! Well deserved and I see it was a winner out of 48??!!! Excellent!!!
-
There is an enormous difference between manipulation of punctuation and spacing to achieve an artistic effect and doing the same thing only to draw attention. If you only added this excessive punctuation to appease a style then is the poem really still yours?
-
-
Yes there is a difference, but I personally believe that the poem is still mine aslong as it was me that formatted it that way...although it may not be the same thing....thank you for the comment...
~&~Lauren~&~
-
-
wow. this is good.
really good. i wish i would write like this.
usually i get pissed at lots of punctuation... but it pulls it off here. I really like it.
-
this is great i love how you did this poem! kept me reading from beginning to end.. great write. keep on penning!
-
great!!!
u really caught my intrest!! great!!! the poem is a little bit weird but its great at the same time!
!F!
!r!
!e!
!e!
!d!
!o!
!m!
i think that part is really cool!!
lol. resue me is a really great title. i am not sure if u are llooking for casual or critical reveiws. but i tried to give u both
SilverWolf -
While the poem was good the format really lost it for me. Thank you for sharing this though. Perhaps you would like to change the format some to capture the readers interest.
-
I LOVED IT!
The format was slightly
confusing for me, but it looked
quite amazing.
It even flowed well.
Great job!
-Emily
-
very good
If that wasn't difficult. But still a good poem. Keep up the good work sis.
-
"Can’t shed the past
Cause I’m scared
Of a future that won’t last"
I love that part! And a few others, but if I said all of them I'd be copying and pasting most of the poem into this comment, so I won't
This is really good for a first attempt!
But to me, the word
[n]
[i]
[g]
[h]
[t]
[m]
[a]
[r]
[e]
was a bit hard to read. I don't know why, in the comment box it looks perfectly in line and easy to read, but in the actual poem its different. Meh, might just be my browser.
Anyways, hope you write another DP poem soon
♥
-
This reminds me of the song "Animal I have become" by Three Days Grace.
I love that song =)
This was very well written
Favorite Part:
I can’t `e`s`c`a`p`e`
You hold the key
Now please set me free
You’re the only one
Who has ever seen
The d.a.r.k.e.r. side of me
Nice write!
Thanks for entering
Good Luck
♥[Katee]♥ -
-
I'm glad you liked it...it's kinda a bad thing that it reminds you of the song though because I think I was listening to it...it doesn't sound like I took anythingfrom it to you does it?...god I hope not
~*~Lauren~*~ -
-
Lol no it doesn't sound like you meant to take anything =) it is great
-
-
Yay...cause I do that sometime ans I don't mean to Ihave to edit my work a lot if I'm listening to music when Iwrite it.....
-
-
-
-
I like it sweetie and I definately can relate to it, as I don't feel I know the real me very well and in fact, I often hate myself for who I am sometimes. I always thought my ex would save me but apparently not
. Beautifully wrote, definately a good starter! 
-
-
I'm glad you can relate to it...wow that sounds bad, but I feel that if someone can relate to my poems then I got the message across...and thank your for the comment and the clappys...
-
-
this is really good...
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
