speckled trout
swimming quickly skyward - -
bald eaglets dine
Author notes
survival
A contest entry
- SURVIVAL HAIKU by Swan song.
650 points, ended June 23, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please give honest critique (constructive please :))
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Love the snapshot quality of this and the twist in the final line, not too sure if it's strictly haiku because of the syllabic arrangement.Now, having been picky I do like your use of sibilance, it's particularly effective in capturing the mood of your piece. I also like the way you contrast the life of the speckled trout with the fact that they are potential meals for the bald eaglets... nice!
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yes, that "traditional" syllable count versus the types of modern haiku can be a drawback.
there are camps around that.
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Although Haiku's are not my favourite types of poetry this one is good. I am given to understaand that a Haiku is a single thought, expressed in three lines.
Well done.
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Oooo, I do like that line swimming quickly skyward. Happy baby eagles and sad fish.
Marlene -
Yes they did very good loved the imagery here
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wonderful.
oh i LOVE this!
I love that you give the destination for the eagle~!
and I like the word "speckled"
a well written 'ku
best of luck in the contest!!!
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It is very hard to tell a whole story in so few words, but you did it.
Good Job
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Nice turn of phrase and great take... Well done. Best of luck...
Ken
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thanks
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