Only In My Dreams

The light along the pathway
of enlightenment seems to have
burned out somewhere along the way...
or maybe energy is simply being
conserved...maybe the powers that be
think that enlightenment would be
wasted on me. I've had
glimpses along the way and I
walked away...not sure if I was
afraid of the light...or maybe
too comfortable in the dark...
Was I fixated on the glimmer of
false hope at the end of the street?
Was I too infatuated with the
notion of finding enlightenment...
that I was blinded by my own
determination to gain the
pristine knowledge necessary to
glide through life so effortlessly...
or so it seems...but nothing is
free...and life brings stress...and
demands effort from me.
Can't float through life, dress
blowin' in the wind...enchanted
and enthralled by the sweet scent
smelled only in dreams of success.
But dreams can be maintained
only in a state of the subconscious...
and the sulfurous odor of reality consistently
wakes me from my sweet sleep...
again and again I find myself
grounded by realism just when I
begin to float away from the
bull shit that I seem to be owned by.
Happiness possessed by the
original sins of Adam and Eve...
and I just can't seem to shake free
of the generational curses
chained to me...my development
arrested by Mama's stupidity
and Daddy's debauchery...or
is my incarcerated destiny
imprisoned by me? Am I
prisoner and warden all in one?
All I really want is to be
free and clear of pain and tears...
I see the picture with such clarity...
hope for the future...sitting so beautifully
in the window of tomorrow...with
rays of enlightenment shining down.
If I can see it...If I can smell the
sweet scents breezing across my spirit...
even feel the warmth of the light...
why can I not be in that window?
Why do I only see hope... why can I not
BE hope. Pain cages me...enslaves me...
fear grips me...holding me back
from traveling life down the path.
All alone in a crowded room
packed with people
personified by fraudulency
and I'm tryin' to run
from the impending doom
of one more day
spent behind the mask...
and I pursue the task of
breaking free and shaking free
of yesterday's demons gripping me...
in order to achieve
the enlightenment of me...
a state of being
found only in my dreams.