You liked me best
with skin of ivory
as fingertips traced
my perfect smile;
delicate hands arranging wildflowers;
a few scattered
in my tresses,
curtains drawn
to shelter from the sun
or any dreams
that may try and slip inside.
♥♥
~
Author notes
pic inspired 40 words
image credit:
Lonely Lamperina by: Zach Virgilio
A contest entry
- PIF Picture/ 15 poets-40 words by jasminerose.
900 points, ended June 21, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Ooooo, I like your title - a poem in itself. I found this to be such a eerie take on the prompt... being trapped by one liking your delicate perfection, sheltering you away from the sun and lurking dreams of escape. Congratulations on the silver.
Marlene -
Such a beautiful piece! The imagery and play on words here is quite refreshing and truly poignant! Great write!
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Oh outstanding metaphor and emotion that just grabs ahold of the readers heart!
Your imagery is just beautiful. Such a powerful piece penned in just 40 words!
Thank you for sharing your talented pen with us all!
Jazzy
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Hold your dreams so close to heart
for this is fearful angel grace,
soul-dance mood,
romancing future kiss
to smile in younger green,
as bliss...
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You provide a sense of the way that a pretense of love can be a torture upon the soul. The idealization and the idoltary is fine for the worshipper far more often than for a human being worshipped. Humans are far more playful and full of foibles to be raised to perfection.
Love, Tom B.
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Lovely
As always You have given us a wonderful write. Full of rich wonder. Beautiful flow. Great Job, Good Luck om the contest.
*Go with God* sweet one,
Mom (Valerie)
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Oh, you certainly know how to pen romance my friend! This is beautiful! What a great job you did on this one!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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stunning images that hint at a nostalgic romance. Wonderful take on the prompt. Best wishes to you.
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i really love the beauty you have used an i love the way you have set up this poem, the detials of the ivory are really deep and i can feel this intence poem, wonderfuly penned, i wish you the best of luck in the contest and as always keep up the beautiful writing, ~Amy
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Wonderful Sis,
You are one of my favs for a reason, and one of them is that you can pen like no-one's bizzzzzness!
Thanks for sharing, and I wish you all the best in the contest. I'm sure Jazzy will like this one.
Brother Timothy
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Amazing interpretation here. --TRAPPED in artificial light by a co-dependent lover, or so it seems to me--unable to get to the truth of sunlight, to have it bronze her skin, and add its color to her life. It seems as if her dreams have been almost snuffed out, but unintentionally--as if by selfishness alone, and not malice.
I like how ivory, her skin, becomes the representation of her person. . . as shown best in the title and also the sensations from touch in the poem itself.
This is so beautifully done. A bit dark, yes, but not so much that she can not dream.
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Oh thank you for understanding this lol The other comments had me scared....(hehe)
Perhaps it is what one has come to expect of me, romance.....so this appeared to be the same to some, but you were spot on with your interpretation
TY!
Lynda
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awesome!!!
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