Two oars half-kiss the river as I row you to the Moon
Past a sleeping nest of moorhens and a single diving loon.
With one thousand stars beneath us watch them ripple in our wake,
As our bodies move together in a gentle give and take.
Weeping willows brush the water, while you whisper tenderly,
That we're floating down the river, writing perfect poetry.
When a shooting star sings sonnets and the planets gasp and sigh
Then its time to stop my rowing and to look you in the eye.
On the river, in the moonlight, with the only girl I love,
Stealing kisses, sipping brandy, watched by Venus from above.
Now we drift along the river and we talk of dreams in rhyme,
Wrap each other up in meter and mix metaphors sublime.
Then a swan that should be sleeping seems to look at us and say
That it's time to head for landfall and to put the world away.
So we strike out for the boathouse where we know that all is right
While we didn't reach the Moon this time, we didn't row all night.
When a shooting star sings sonnets and the planets gasp and sigh
Then its time to stop my rowing and to look you in the eye.
On the river, in the moonlight, with the only girl I love,
Stealing kisses, sipping brandy, watched by Venus from above.
So another perfect evening ends another day with you,
When I didn't climb a mountain or discover something new
But I rowed along a river and I fell in love again,
For the boat was filled with magic, I'm the luckiest of men
Silver Moon still shines unsullied, though the river shows the way,
We can set out to explore her on some other perfect day.
Author notes
This is my poem number 1000 on AP!
A contest entry
- Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 100 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lukewarm Coffee by Papers.
1200 points, ended February 23, 35 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 65 of 65
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Amazing. That had perfect flow, perfect rhyme, and I just loved it! Such wonderful words and metaphors, I'm speechless. I probably would have gone "Oh my gosh!" out loud, had I not been in my computer class at the moment. Very, very nice write! Thank you for sharing your feelings through your words! Keep up the great work!
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wow. thats very beautiful and calming thanks for the entry!
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Weeping willows brush the water, while you whisper tenderly,
That we're floating down the river, writing perfect poetry.
Your imagery and flow were fierce in this! It was wonderful!
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an amazing/beautiful poem-flawlessly composed. I can see why you would consider this one of your best.
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This was amazing. It had such rhythm! The repetition of the verse:
When a shooting star sings sonnets and the planets gasp and sigh
Then its time to stop my rowing and to look you in the eye.
On the river, in the moonlight, with the only girl I love,
Stealing kisses, sipping brandy, watched by Venus from above.
REALLY enhances the mood you wrote! Congratulations.
Good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
What a beautiful write, a great entry for this contest. A perfectly penned write with great flow and good imagery. Thank you for the entry. Keep the pen flowing...the pleasure was all mine.
Nevadapoet
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This is an absolutely beautiful poem. Last night, I was looking for uplifting love poems to read, and I couldn't find anything that really struck me. I wish I had found this gem then, because it would have completely turned my mood around. There are a few technical things I could point out, but I really don't feel like it because I was just full of emotion after reading this. The imagery and pure love that this poem contains is, for me, breathtaking. And I don't even like rhymed poetry, haha. I really think you should continue to write your heart out here on AP, because you will always improve at least one person's day with poetry like this. I hope that somebody, someday, will write a poem this beautiful for me. Your girl is very lucky. : )
- Solaris
(I edited only to add applause.) -
Quite the imagery ...
and written in a great form that was/is a pleasure to read. Your rhythm & rhyme were smooth and your choice of sharing some of yourself most interesting. Jeff, I'm green with envy and I must say that all the reading you've done has served you well for writing. Congratulations and happy trails to you ... j y
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You are too kind
Thank-you.
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this is such a marvelous, wonderful poem. Full of emotion and such a clever, unforced rhyme scheme. It's like the works of old, merry and bursting with feeling and life. I enjoyed this thoroughly. I was combing through some poems that definately did not reach this level. Wonderful job. Worthy of 7 applauses but I can only give 3.
Blessings,
Lilly
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Thank-you for the kind words and I am glad you enjoyed my work.
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Yes, you are writing perfect poetry!
This piece is absolutely perfect, with well-chosen words, great imagery, sweet similes and metaphors, and a gentle array of well-chosen words. Beautiful, lovely, soothing piece, flowing as smooth as the river that, in the poem, you are drifting upon. I love that first line, and the repeated reference to the silver moon. The title is perfect. Enter it in any fitting contest and it is impossible for you not to win gold! You have painted a beautiful picture here that inspired me to write the longest comment I have ever written! Kudos to you! Love it love it love it!
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Excellent! Exquisite!
Up until recently I did not read much poetry I only wrote it and only because I had to as it was a part of me I had to express. Feeling as personal as I do about poetry, there is stuff I like to different degrees but very rarely there is one that makes me stop everything and wish I could right like that. This is one of those rare poems that is so perfect in form & flow, (easy smooth reading but far from simple!), so perfectly descriptive that it totally draws you in. I love this. I had to read it & re-read it & then read it again. It’s sweet, sensitive, sensual and innocent, and again the form & flow fit the tone & content. I don’t know a lot about poetry (and could care less if one is capable of a more complex form or rhyme scheme) the fact is this is absolutely pleasing to read again & again!
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It is a good poem, I just wish it were more complex. With your talent I bet you could do more than couplets.
Nice imagery!
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More than couplets?
All rhyme schemes have their uses including couples, here the lines are long and relatively free, rhymed abab or using sixains say would tend to break up the flow. I find that abab works well for alternating heptameter/pentameter but for all heptameter it doesn't really work.
However thank-you for a thoughtful review.
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This poem is really good, it embodies the moon as something more than what it is. Good write. Good luck in the contest
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Sigh-h-h
Great celebration for poem #1000!!
You and the lady have undoubtedly shared many hours inspiring each other. Beautiful Write!
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Excellent write here
This should have been a gold trophy winner for sure .You must enter it in another for Its truly wonderful -
I cannot believe this didn't take Gold!
I started the poem groaning about the rhyming meter but after I read this...
..."When a shooting star sings sonnets and the planets gasp and sigh
Then its time to stop my rowing and to look you in the eye.
On the river, in the moonlight, with the only girl I love,
Stealing kisses, sipping brandy, watched by Venus from above."
...I turned 180. (I usually perfer free verse - just a personal thing with me and poetry)
this is definitely worthy - I tip my hat to you sir...
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I have the opposite standpoint, but there are those who write free verse that stops me in my tracks. To have impressed those who start out expecting to dislike your work is the largest compliment possible. I am fairly pleased with this poem and if it pleases other people then I am happier still
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The title is what intrigued me - but the thoughts contained within your work really impressed me (maybe because this week is our 27th anniversary)
but your poem is masterful (Rhyme or free )
looking forward to more
Wade -
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Congratulations on that!
That is how it should be isn't it?
If it's worth reading its worth reading regardless of form.
Thank-you again.
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Knowing how to paint with poetry...
The rhyme and meter, made almost lazy by the laid-back word choice, (which in fact was very clever!) really give a vivid feel to this poem.
Phrases such as: "While we didn't reach the Moon this time" and "and to put the world away" spring out, pulling the sense of the line with them.
Excellent assonance ( not overdone) - such as: "Stealing kisses, sipping brandy" roll lovely across the tongue when the poem is read aloud!
An excellent write: more than worthy of being the 1000th.
Best, p
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Beautiful
This is a very well thought out work and it shows. The rhythm and rhyme are perfect and your thoughts clear. I love the feel of it, lets me know romance still shines on us at times.
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That was beautiful. Love is a beautiful thing which you portrayed perfectly here. Congratulations on poem number 1000!
-Robii
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Beautiful! This poem portrays the magic and thrill of love so beautifully. The rhyme was perfect, and the poem was filled with a rich vocabulary. The poem had vivid imagery that showed true love... I loved the last stanza. Congratulations on poem number 1000! An awesome poem that I'm glad to have read.
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This is really good!
The rhyme does not seem forced at all, which I absolutely love!
Very well done
Good luck in your contest
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The cricket sings !!!
A grand poem to mark 1000, Mr. Green!
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this is gorgeous! I generally don't like an aabb rhyme scheme - as it tends to become cumbersome and awkward, this one was delightfully rendered. You never sacrificed meter for rhyme, never stumbled over too-loquatious wording. A very lovely poem indeed. Thank you for sharing it.
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With lines longer than hexameter I find abab rhyming starts to sound awkward, hence the couplets here. Thank you for the very kind compliments.
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Beautiful write
You have spoken the dream I have always wished for .Its a lovely write keep up the good work
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Wow this was breath-taking. Loved your beautiful imagery and deep metaphor; brilliant thoughts and descriptions. Amazing write. Loved it!!
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
This is a wonderful poem. Thank you.
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CONGATULATIONS!!! As beautiful as a moonlit evening in the realms of heaven! Oh now please write a thousand more!!! A splendid write of wonder...filled with the most beautiful visions. Youe imagery here is among some of the finest I have read!
Blessings dear Poet!
Az
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I have every intention of writing a thousand more, but maybe not all tonight
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very good
So another perfect evening ends another day with you,
When I didn't climb a mountain or discover something new
But I rowed along a river and I fell in love again,
For the boat was filled with magic, I'm the luckiest of men
wonderful imagery
the title portrays a unique way of space travel, lol
seriously, title gives all who read your work an imaginary seat in the boat, themselves rowing, etc
it is such a thought
that although, no great day, accomplishment, record breaking day
you found the time to fall in love again
i've read it a few times
and
there is a lot of personification here
whether it was dinner with someone special,
a walk along a moonlit beach
you experienced this piece
superb
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Once again you have penned a piece that excels in meter and flow. Congratulations on the 1000th poem, you are prolific. I love, love poems and the image in this is delightful; the thought of being “rowed” to the moon is magical. I found myself with a warm smile as you wove a lovely tale with both imagery and passion. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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bravo
A magnificent poem of love and mystery! A tour de force in meter! I loved it, loved it, loved it! (1,000 poems! and I thought I was prolific!!) bravo... bravo... bravo...
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From someone whose meter is plusperfect that means a lot, thank-you.
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Thankful for th eOppurtunity to Read
one thousand stars beneath us watch them ripple, and then when you wrote the planet gasp and sighs...I teared. This is such a moving and wonderful piece. And woah, 1000 poems. Awesome! Keep it up to 2,000. :]
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Lovely Poem
I enjoyed reading your lovely poem. 1000 poems, you and I are in the same realm. Keep up the good work...
Katie
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awww and a lovely poem it is ^_^
your writting is very enjoyable, and has a nice flow.
thanks for the read, and take care
stephanie
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Read this today, in a pizza parlour where 10 members of the trapped truth society of poets meet rain shine or holiday, (today was father's day) It was very well received. I introduced your work in Shreveport, Louisiana.
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amazing.
i love it... it flows so incredibly well. perfect.
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Thank-you
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Absolutely adored the first stanza and the rest pulled the tears... Hope it is real for you; it seems to only be a dream.
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Simply Lovely
Love the image i get from reading this. Good job
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Batting 1000
YAY! I loved this. My first and only time to row a row boat was when at church camp so many moons ago... lets not count. Amazing how one event can paddle in your thoughts in fond memory all your life. Maybe from childhood row boat songs ending in "Life is but a dream". Some dare to pick up the paddles to row and totally embrace that dream in reality. Another well done write I've read of yours. Looks like you hit a poetic home run here!
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great stuff Jeff mate, what is it with you and the moon eh?
Not to mention I don't suppose you have been in a boat since we all did on the Serpentine have you?
Close your eyes lie back and think of a tent on the side of a mountain in Wales, there were some proper stars out then, best I've ever seen in whoops was going to say England!!!!
1000 Poems, you used to be reluctant to write your name!
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beautiful
so meaningful, so open to interpretation by your readers however in such a good way.
"When I didn't climb a mountain or discover something new
But I rowed along a river and I fell in love again"
love.. a discovery in itself. you really captured a first love, a soulmate search completed.
beautiful!
congrats on 1000 !
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I bow in humble adoration to the master of rhythm and rhyme. May a thousand more grace the pages here.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Congrats! And there is no one like you that can do the rhyme and the rhythm quite as well. It sings
Love, C
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kool write... hopefully my stuff will sound as good as this one day... thanx for the journey in this piece,really enjoyed it!
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What a wonderful poem for number 1000, you should be proud.
This was filled with delicious imagery- a really soft and almost secretive atmosphere was lent to it by references to stealing kisses and being watched. Also got a feeling of the couple being alone, immersed in a world.
Beautiful, enjoyed the repitition of the 2nd stanza- gave it a lyrical feel! -
Congratulations. Have some bunnies.
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Thank-you
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this is awesome
i really like this, it's awesome and the flow is so good.sailing to the moon,stars singing sonnets,planets gasping and sighing and venus look upon you.it does sound so magical. i can almost see the whole thing it'slovely.lovely job job
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Superb
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
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This is absolutely gorgeous Jeff! Flows as smoothly as the gentle river you describe with such fine textual appraisal. What a perfectly lovely evening.
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Well indeed this was a pleasure to see,
lightening uopi the skies for ms Caldwell.
this was well done
Congratulations glad too see your back up for the milestone in your life.
Passions
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Congratulations
Well you write a cracker for youe 1000th.Pure genius.A gift perfectly wrapped for all of us here on AP, Ros
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this is absolutely beautiful. you have certainly outdone yourself with this one. congratulations on your 1000th poem here on AP! great job and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near fututre. viyanna rosemarie
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Congratulations on your 1000th poem.
There isn't much more I can say. I've been with you through most of them and this is another beautiful one.
Well done Jeff
With love
Me
xxx
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Congratulations on your thousandth poem. It is a beauty. I rently did my 100th.
I enjoyed the imagery. It is very sweet and touching.
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Wow! Congratulations on this milestone! A very lovely poem you've penned to mark the occasion. I enjoyed it immensely!
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