Turns beautiful into a smothering
drag-me-down feeling
you're a swan so white
bloody deadly with red tipped wings
while life clings
Beautiful, calmly dying
while I am changing
contemplating and repeating
the steps to your front door
but I am no more, I am no more
Hanging on a star in the sky
and a tear in your eye
flash the violence
shine your hope on a grave
catch my impotence
and stamp it into the ground
with your fists and your rage
You, beautiful, you will fall
because you had it all
but I stood tall
breaking the spell
thinking I was living well
while in your hell
Beautiful, send your questions in the wind
telling me to pretend
you never existed at all
never existed in the end
Author notes
originally written on 6/9/08
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
"you're a swan so white
bloody deadly with red tipped wings
while life clings" - this is neat.
when i selected this poem randomly i was afraid (by the title) that i was committing myself to reading a 'huggybear, kissyface i am just so smitten' kind of poem. but was pleasantly surprised to find otherwise. i thought it was an unusual take on beauty.
to me the first stanza is by far the strongest because of the imagery of the swan, it is more concrete than the rest of the poem.
i like the lyrical quality of the poem as a whole - could definitely see this set to music. neat read.
-
-
Thank you for being so pleasantly suprised. I do enjoy writing about the near non-sensical. Opposite of the "huggybear, kissyface" thoughts.
I do need to change out the last three stanzas.... they don't stand out as much as the first or third stanzas do. Thank you for noticing that- I've been meaning to reread and re-evaluate this poem. Glad you stopped by. Cheers.
-
-
This is a very good poem! I love the comparisons especially
"you're a swan so white
bloody deadly with red tipped wings"You made something sort of morbid into something beautiful and I can appreciate that because not all life is happy and gleeful. Congratulations, I think it's wonderful!
-
I really like this. It is beautifully written. My favorite lines are...
thinking I was living well
while in your hell
...I can really relate to those lines. I have a poem that I wrote that is based around that thought. Great job! -
I absolutely loved the first stanza its so descriptive and beautifully written its sheer brillance your really talent and it makes me want to be a better writer I love your use of words.
-
-
thank you for stopping by. glad you liked it Cheers.
-
-
great plot and beautiful words for this! your story-telling is remarkable and your poetic beat is flawless. What was the unfortunate/fortunate basis for this poem? I would definitely love to hear the tale that inspired this. WONDERFUL!!
-
Very deep and expressive. Great writing. I feel your words.
-
oh my god. This is i think.... I think... the best poem ive ever read on here as of yet! I am not kidding. the language, was beautiful. The ryhmes flowed perfectly and unforced. the metaphors were perfect, and just everything in general was brilliant! Genius! I am going to save this somehow I dont think I will get tired of reading it x very very well done!
-
-
I am happy that you liked the poem, as it is one close to my own heart. Thank you for the comment and thanks for the compliments. I wish somehow I could share the music the music that I wrote along with these lyrics.
Cheers.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
