shine dark
down in abyss
stark
raving mad
you were in shambles
afraid of light
afraid of sight
afraid of death
that became you
anyways.
lay silent
frozen
still motionless
holding the dreams
of a boy
that died
years ago.
Cold heart races
to the edge of
oblivion
forgetting secrets
left etched upon
your dieing
smile.
A contest entry
- It's Fathers Day - Tell me about your Dad - Open for ALL by Florida Sunshine.
450 points, ended June 17, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems of pain. by Christina-is-crazy.
300 points, ended June 18, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dancing with the Scars II by Kathryn Bowden.
600 points, ended July 13, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARK by mcrfan322.
400 points, ended July 26, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Something Sad by LittleDecoy.
900 points, ended August 31, 2008, 85 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want dark, I want pain, infect me! by Meroza.
600 points, ended August 13, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dead Inside by XxSuicidal-LovexX.
1500 points, ended August 9, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - heartache by siddy jones.
375 points, ended September 12, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your Best Non Winner! by Bean Sidhe.
900 points, ended September 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emo/ Death/ Abuse by Violent Glass.
550 points, ended February 13, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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you spelled dying wrong...fyi. lol i agree with all of the comments below! i was like wow...wait a min...huh? oh...hold on..wow whoa! all those contest entries and no winners? whats wrong with this picture?
mylee -
i like this one. it was very sad and beautiful. well written. good luck in the contest.
-
The placing of the words just made me; whoa, wait, what? Thats not good, not at all. I just got so confused that I couldnt read the poem at all.
Also the little I did read didnt have the darkness and pain I am looking for. -
ah, the emotion in this poem was beautiful.
i love the simplicity of it, how you got such a great point across in such few words.
=D
"afraid of light
afraid of sight
afraid of death
that became you
anyways."
those lines spoke to me the most because they seemed the most relatable to a lot of people.
i loved the whole poem.. awesome job.
good luck in my contest!
-
great poem really good use of words and fraising... lots of emotion... alot of feeling put into this poem... the way u put it made the reader have to slow down and think about every line great job... thanks for entering my contest... great write... keep it up... hope you win and good luck
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this has so much emotion, it's so raw and stark. thank you for taking time to enter and good luck.
Kathryn
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This is a really great poem,
keep up the good work,
Thank you for entering the contest.
And good luck
♥ christina -
I guess I was lucky to have my dad. He too has his problems. I never thought about having a dad with deeper problems...
The one thing I like about this write is the deep sense you've put into it. And of course the saddest part that brought a tear to the eye was:
"lay silent
frozen
still motionless
holding the dreams
of a boy
that died
years ago"
There are a lot of people out there in our lives that holds the key to many parts of our lives. I wonder if they really realize this? Something for me to ponder.
Thanks for entering my "Father's Day" contest. ~ I do appreciate your entry.
Best of luck to you
Florida Sunshine
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