Earlier today I thought,
I miss his jokes.
Later, I saw a magazine
About fathers. On the front,
A picture of a smiling old man,
A really lovely old man,
A few years older perhaps.
And I realized
Dad joked a lot,
Didn't laugh much
And didn't smile often.
His sister noticed that
In some old photos.
"He hardly smiled," she said.
This was after he was dead.
We notice those things more
And reflect. Who was he?
He had a way with words
A way with jokes,
Sometimes quite cynical.
I have a way with words
I felt we shared.
I miss that so much.
No one could quote Shakespeare
Like my old man.
(I never called him that.)
Shakespeare reminds me of him.
My sister thinks of him
When she hears Mozart.
He was a man of culture.
I don't know what makes
My brother think of him.
They didn't share a lot.
They both liked woodworking,
A silent thing, intense,
A knowledge not expressed.
The second year I haven't
Bought a card. For him,
There'd be a joke in that.
It hasn't happened in a long time
But suddenly a sadness overwhelms me.
Never to see him ever again -
I haven't quite come to terms.
A contest entry
- Fatherless Day by lively banter.
500 points, ended June 18, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So, what's your opinion of this?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Congrats on the silver!
Powerfully sad piece, yet superbly penned. Congrats on the well earned silver
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wow you have truely wrote such powerful strong feelings of your love for your father within your words I canot relate as I have yet to meet my father but when we lose someone realy close we can never get over the true pain but as they say time is a healer and I wish you lots of healing time for your wonderful poem congratulations on your shiny take care maralisa
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Thanks for your detailed comments.
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I also loved this. Although I think there are a few things that I didn't like: "who was he?" I don't think a literal question is needed. You are already explaining him throughout the poem, so that seems awkward. And the bit in parenthesis is odd, but I use them too, so who knows really. Just thought I'd mention it. This reminds me of charles bukowski. Not completely of course, but in places. Especially your last stanza. I loved your fifth and sixth stanza's a lot. Patient and thoughtful writing there. As far as I know the period should be on the inside of the parenthesis, so that's alright. Thank you so much for entering this into our contest. Heavy hitter, for sure.
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I love this poem, you did an excellent job. I’m not even sure if I have anything critical to say, I got to think about this poem some more. But right now, the only thing that seems a little strange are the parentheses, I’m not sure if the period is supposed to be on the outside or inside of the parentheses. I’ll be back. Thanks for the lovely entry.
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