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Little Kingfisher

Missing image

  Photograph by Simon Fordham.

 http://www.redmillhouse.com.au/birds/little_kingfisher.html

 

 

 

My little kingfisher, princely, royal blue,
Where and why are you skimming, solitary bird?
You’re darting low from sight, where sun’s rays gird;

Then twisting, dappled, above mangrove streams, it’s true.

 

Yet, you are more! An airy blue somewhere

Afar from flocks that wheel, fly off, or herd.

In shade, in light – why, sky’s invaded there!

Author notes

The bird concerned fishes around mangroves in my state of Queensland. He, the bright fellow, is not often sighted for reasons you may infer from the sonnette.
Prompt: "The sonnette consists of 7 lines in pentameter, predominately iambic, with two stanzas, rhyming abba cbc. It is, essentially, half of a sonnet."

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • sunoir
    November 17, 2008

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    how beautiful! You put such a picture in my mind I had to go google it to see the little bird. kudos *S*


  • tawk gold member
    July 31, 2008

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    Hood-Winked!

    What a beautiful sonnette so peaceful and serene. I so enjoyed reading. This bird is beautiful I would love to sit and watch one all day! Wonderful imagery throughout keep up the amazing writing never put down your pen. Theresa


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    July 28, 2008

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    Again a wee bit precious - but it works. I like the last line, with the implication that the bird introduces that flash of cerulean wherever he flies.


  • micol
    July 1, 2008

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    I read the set of poems twice, several days apart, and made comments to myself each time. And both times, the last half of the last line caught my attention. There's something of Emily Dickinson in the simplicity, the oblique symbolism, the unexpected diction ("Invaded") that makes the poem resonate. It makes the kingfisher simultaneously individual and universal. Well done.


    • Lyndon gold member
      July 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you.

      It is true that its flashy blue, in shade, in light, is like a bit of sky among the mangroves.

  • ecrivain01
    June 15, 2008
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    Delightful read ...

    and since your cheering section agrees, I'll leave it at that.


  • Amera gold member
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It’s not easy to achieve a good image in seven lines but you have taken the challenge and created pure beauty in imagery. This poem starts off strong and builds in intensity. I enjoyed the meter; by not keeping the entire poem iambic I think you have added a dept to the read. Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera♥

    • Lyndon gold member
      June 15, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for saying so, Amera.
      Lots of best wishes!
      Yes, as the bird weaves through light and shade, it is like a bit of sky flashing through. This is the strongest image I have of the Little Kingfisher. Ron.


  • leo2
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I've seen a few around here patiently waiting for their next meal to swim by. And true to form you've captured the attention of the reader. Best of luck in the challenge.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • HaleyMary
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. Even if it's just half a sonnet, it is still a wonderful write. Wonderful flow and beautiful imagery. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    June 14, 2008

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    Love the metre...

    ...even if it is six instead of five. You have done well with the form.

    I have seen these beautiful birds and similar when I saw the rainbow birds of NT. You describe them very well, and paint a vivid feeling of their flitting, fast existence.

    I am somewhat confused by 'it's true.' I miss the meaning here. Nevertheless, I like the picture and the thoughts you have painted with your words.

    Very peaceful.

    • Lyndon gold member
      June 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you,Richard. I think there are five feet to a line. 29 out of 35 are iambic and there are anapests and trochee. I think you mean syllable count!
      "It's true" is an enthusiastic reinforcer for me.


  • frownsnfreckles
    June 14, 2008

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    apart from the form Ron, I was impressed by the affection within the content for this little fellow, which shines through. I have never seen a kingfisher unfortunately, but have been writing a little fantasy story about one fishing for a golden carp.


    • Lyndon gold member
      June 14, 2008
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      A golden carp?

      My little fellow would think himself super-bird to have that one!
      Thank you for your kind words.


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    June 14, 2008
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    Clever little fellow, it seems. Perhaps your royal friend fears a coup.

    Wonderful adherence to the form. Nicely done.


    • Lyndon gold member
      June 14, 2008
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      29/35 iambs.

      I guess but I did vary the meter although the lines are all pentameters.
      Thank you for your praise. Ron.


      • ten thousand cicadas gold member
        June 14, 2008

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        AH, yes, i missed the pentameter, BUT, royalty is royalty and will often bend the rules.


        • Lyndon gold member
          June 14, 2008
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          All lines are pentameters

          but six of the 35 feet are not iambic which ensures the poem is basically iambic pentameters.

1 - 20 of 20