Walking through the shadows
As the evening turns to dusk
Train of thought so narrow
And my cool demeanor starts to rust
Children playing in the street
The smell of freshly mown grass
The roses so sickeningly sweet
And I stop as a car comes to pass.
The children could be demons
They'll follow me all the way home
The dangers rise as darkness deepens
The roses are an omen of how I am alone
The man in the car is after me
Deep inside me I know he sees.
Then why don't I just kill him?
No one will ever know
Or the evil childrens lives for his,
Just approach them now, nice and slow....
Author notes
4. A poem about Bi Polar Disorder/Depression/Schizo
'zombiefiedmonkeycheese' monkey cheese rocks, don't you diss it XD
Option 2
Please do not think I am a psycho, this was for a contest; I do NOT think like this, just thought I'd clarify.
I'm inksplatterskitty and I am not a psycho, just someone who can put themselves in anothers shoes for a couple of minutes.
This was written in the view of a schizophrenic.
A contest entry
- Bloody Thoughts by SpiritDarkmaiden.
1200 points, ended June 29, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round II of the darkwrite challenge by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
450 points, ended July 5, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Heartless thoughts! by darkstinger.
450 points, ended June 23, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - thorugh the eyes of madness by completely mad.
600 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best contest EVER! [i would like to think so anyway haha] by thearmsofsorrow.
475 points, ended August 1, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Am I crazy? {Options!!} by sins and sorrow.
575 points, ended August 3, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Bravo! This was a great read!
I really liked it!!
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
Aww
i dont want to DQ this one
but i will
because YOU DIDNT FOLLOW THE RULES
BAD!
read te rules, fix everything you need to
you have 24hours
Or i will DQ you.
dun dun dun
*stern look*
ps. feel free to delete this comment, when you [if you chose to] make all the appropriate changes, then i will comment again. if you dont make the changes, your DQ'd. -
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All fixed
Thanks for not DQing me outright
I know I'm bad
*walks away dragging feet*
I can be good though
Thanks again! -
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good child!
okay
well i think this poem starts out sounding like it might just be a cliche wanna be horror romace type thing. but read on a little and BAM
it hits you right in the face. its amazing. the pure...cynical ism of this is amazing. its just so..suspicious and borderline psychotic, i LOVE it. great write altogether. some parts were a little forced though. i mean..the second line of this couplet:
The car knows what I see and think
The man is after me; I saw him wink!
seems like it was just there for rhymes sake, and doesnt have a real purpose. hm. this will definitly be difficult to judge.
cheers and thanks for the entry.
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This is really good. It flows and rhymes amazingly, and its really interesting. Good luck in your contests!
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i just love this one haha...thanks for entering it in my contest
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Very interesting. USing a voice, and creating things such as evil children and a man that winks at you. I like this poem. Good luck in the contest.
Ray -
Your thoughts here descend almost in a dark, darker and darkest pattern. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Lol I like poems with a little bit of humour mixed in with the fear. The rhyming made the words flow nicely. All in all, I just loved it. Thanks for entering
Bloody wishes
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Wow, you did a great job. I like the way his thoughts descend, getting darker as they go. Excellent take on the prompt, good luck in this round
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haha this was great....good luck in the contest
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