Wipe the tears away, you say
It is not that hard I swear
You've got to live another day
I wonder to myself if you ever did care
Try again. Try again
Don't give up my dear
Still waiting for my life to begin
I'm living my life in fear
All I ever was
And all I ever will be
Was it not because
All because of you, you see
I'll close my eyes never wishing it away
Yet I find it that reality was never here to stay
Author notes
32. "When I close my eyes reality overcomes me. I'm living a lie." -- "Together" by Avril Lavigne.
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest (A-B) by OhNoChastity.
600 points, ended July 18, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Breakups by slippingofftheedge.
300 points, ended August 22, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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could use a little more depth. all the emotions you described are the classic stereotype feelings that make this whole emotion so overdone.
don't get me wrong though, it does have a very good ring to it -
I like this poem a lot. I like the concept of it and the way it was written, and how you describe the situation. I like how you interpretted the prompt to be about love, and the ending epiphany (which is the prompt). It worked really well.
Although generally, I'm not a fan of rhyme, I like how you rhymed in this. It's well done, it's not too strong, and it doesn't take away from the poem. I had to look back to find the rhyme. Good job, that's the type of rhyming I'd like to see.
I do have a few suggestions. It seems a bit cliche, and I think it could with a few more metaphors be lifted up a notch. Also, this is a bit of a bias of mine, but I don't feel as though every line needs to be capitalised.
I liked the repetition of try again. It showed an emotional struggle, the need to repeat to actually do it.
Thank you for entering, this was really good. I really would like to read more poetry by you.
-Jen
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