while sitting in the car
you jump right into it
saying in a heightened voice -
you fucked him -
like i did not already know
i am jumping too
however my fall has made me silent
other than -
well you will think what you want
of my time spent away from you -
do you know how much i miss you
but the words do not come out
your back at it -
i think we should stop seeing each other
for awhile -
your words drip like hot wax
over my heart
when i get out of the car
i am no bigger or better than i was
before i got in
maybe even smaller
like the ant trying to get over the molehill
my words float on the ears of the fireflies
as i bid you goodbye -
goodnight and goodbye my lover -
Author notes
i am trying to learn new things... first crack at this...
In a list
A contest entry
- dialogue by zillion.
600 points, ended June 29, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
you know, for a 'first crack' this is pretty good. The only thing I would say critically is that these lines
"your words drip like hot wax
over my heart"
are a little cliche'. Other than that though, I rather enjoyed this. -
I love the conversational, free style of this, and how realistic it is. I felt the ending was weaker than the rest, but loved the use of details and the hot wax over your heart image was very impactful. Love this
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