The sun each day must find a cooling bed
below the lip of all-enfolding night,
and seek, in darkness, comfort and respite,
a place to lay his burning yellow head.
But only for a time--when dawn is nigh,
the sun will stir, as restless as a kite,
and once again burn patterns on the sky.
A contest entry
- Form Challenge by micol.
1050 points, ended July 1, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Congratulations mate!
A good Gold. micol's Gold is as good as a Winklings' Gold! Congratulations. Fine title. Lovely poem. Well-rounded and succinct. Fluent and rhythmic.
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I'm sorry that I missed this the first time round, a beautiful poem, imagery superb and very deserving of the gold
Congratulations...Sue
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Yes, I have to say this is streets ahead of my effort, no feeling of a shortened poem, it says all that needs to be said, in perfect meter. Gorgeous poem.
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C'est magnifique ...
and that says it all.
Congrats on the Gold. -
I read and evaluated these twice, several days apart, and kept separate tallies and comments each time. Both time, this one surfaced at the top of the lists. An excellent example of the form, fluid and smooth, well structured, with strong rhythm, cadence, and rhyme. In every respect well done.
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This is really a good job ...
and I'd call it perfect in all its aspects.
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You took the challenge ...
with this sonnette to depths and heights by allowing my mind to immediately center on the analogy intended. As the world turns ... there is an interesting repetition! joy
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We both have kites in our poems, Bill. That's so nice. I like this, especially the personification of the sun, and burning head.
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The first few lines caught me, so I had to come and look..beauteous wording! this is a wonderful form and I need to give it a try..you certainly did it justice
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Oh my, absolutely delightful. So smooth to read and enjoy. I lilted through this with great pleasure. Wonderful to the form, beautiful images that play this Sonnette to perfection. I'm going back to read it again. Just lovely. ~Pamela
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Hi Bill
I like this a lot. It's a great picture of a summer sun. I dug out one that I wrote in December (not my favourite month, with the lack of light). Have a wee look at it:
December Days
The sun has such a tired face,
He can't be bothered, much, to rise,
Along the hills he holds his place,
And dazzles all our sleepy eyes.
This afternoon is only young,
He's off to hide (he's very shy)
Night rushes in, and stars are hung,
Across the curtain of the sky.
The shortest day is coming soon,
Then daylight hours will fast extend,
And sleep will lengthen for the moon,
She thinks long nights will never end.
Bold sun will drive away the frost,
Which sparkles in the winter air,
Green shoots will come, the snow be lost,
We will have days of warmth to share.
Keep up the good work. I'm off to soak up the sun. But I'm wearing ma sunblock, dinna fash. Keith -
Excellent work Bill. But watch out for those tricky commas - if you have one after "darkness" you need one after "seek", in order to make discrete the adverbial phrase "in darkness".
Very good.
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