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He Followed Me

A prearranged bride since I was a child
He stayed by my side yet out of my sight
He knew when I cried it was his delight
I knew that he lied yet I was beguiled

We take it in stride but he took my breath
The day that I died I followed the light
I now abide with the Angel of Death

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Sonnette

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Lyndon gold member
    July 2, 2008

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    Without intense analysis, I allowed this poem to wash over me and it was as pleasant as a waterfall.


  • micol
    July 1, 2008

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    This presented an interesting challenge. It isn't quite iambic pentameter--but on the other hand, it is. You use an intriguing blend of iamb and anapest that shifts the poem to a four-stress line, but that shift works well in constructing tone and meaning. Well handled throughout, and consistent with language and image. Thank you for entering.


  • Desire gold member
    June 18, 2008
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    Oh my!!

    Now this is short but sweet~ brevity with arms outstretched to take the reader in
    Magnificent~ and in fine form too

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet One
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • And Hyetal
    June 17, 2008

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    A sonnETTE? This is a very interesting form, I really want to write off it now.

    You drew me in with the first line; it seemed like another mystery story to me. I absolutely love the last stanza.

    Your writing is so perfect.

    ~Cassie


  • blueyez
    June 16, 2008
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    I love your sonnets! Lovely!
    peace and Love


  • Pisces Pieces
    June 16, 2008

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    Wow, intriguing! These leaves the imagination to different things I believe...for me, the first thing that comes to mind is a terminal illness that follows one through life until taken by that angel of death... who has always seemed to be lurking about...

    ♥


  • HaleyMary
    June 14, 2008

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    Powerful, dark write, Amera. Wonderful flow. I'm not used to something quite this dark by you, but I thought you did a wonderful job. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Volfeng
    June 14, 2008
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    very nicely done, I like this one..


  • Faeryn
    June 14, 2008
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    Very dark and the rhyming is wonderful.
    Love,
    Tay


  • Rovingone gold member
    June 14, 2008

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    That's pretty depressing and dark alright. Not the sort of thing I'm used to from you, but as good as it gets all the same. Very symbolic.

  • Papagallo
    June 14, 2008
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    What a dark and yet most beautiful poem. May you be a winner.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    June 14, 2008

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    Hmmm. Internal mono rhyme makes this piece quite an undertaking, and the topic is so dark. Sounds a little forced but it is difficult to be smooth with internal rhyme, let alone internal mono-rhyme.

    Images are indeed, crystal clear. I enjoyed this and like the challenge you put upon yourself. Makes me want to brave that water too with this form. (I think I might ) Nice work. ~Pamela


  • PerVirtuous
    June 14, 2008

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    The internal monorhyme certainly flavors this! What an interesting take on destiny. This tugs at the heartstrings and stimulates thought simultaneously. Just exactly what a good poem should do. Three bunnies for you!


  • Blueisacolour
    June 14, 2008

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    That strangely creeped me out. The imagery was somewhat short. Well, not exactly short... How do I put it? Maybe cut off. Yeah, that's it. Cut off. But surprisingly, it worked well. I expected it to be a little more detailed. This felt like a sort of introduction to another piece. But nice all the same! =]


    • Amera gold member
      June 14, 2008
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      Thank you and you are so right: "cut off". It's the best I could do with the challenge of a Sonnette restriction.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 14, 2008

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    Very well worked, with strong internal rhyme, and well fitted to the form.
    Good dark theme and the brevity seems to add to it somehow. excellent.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 14, 2008
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    Hmmmm...


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    June 14, 2008

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    You do well with dark writing Amera, I quite like this



    Cin


  • poeticweaver gold member
    June 14, 2008

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    Wow,

    You always captivate me with your styles, graceful words, and very good poetry that flows so wonderfully. Thanks for sharing, and shine on sweet friend. Peace Teach!

    -Timothy


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 14, 2008

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    I followed you but got lost somewhere, can you please send someone to find me.

    This was absolutely beautiful.
    Loved it..

    Now, I am waiting to be found and kissed so hurry up and find someone to get me.'.'
    Love you

    passions

1 - 20 of 20