The semblance of man
and individuation
is a remembrance of a blueprint
expanding its own creation
and drawing itself
we are the architects of dust
from our explosive birth
flowing concepts carving your brain
and flooding the earth
the shapes have found you
the spirits surround you
phantom limbs on a scale
the systems work as they fail
for the sinister schemers
and the nightmare daydreamers
we are like points on a graph
pebbles on your path
pictures on your screen
and flashing frequencies
somewhere among the noise is the idea of self
blooming lines in the sand
command the choice
to interpret where we stand
led by the Wand of Hermes
we ride the train of souls
to the ocean of light
where we all swim as one
A contest entry
- Anything by crystallynnbradford.
300 points, ended July 30, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - plight of the individual by unraveled.
2000 points, ended July 19, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All walks of life by SilverWolf.
335 points, ended July 9, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What does it mean to you?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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good shit
i read this one before but good shit good shit you making any into a song yet -
Some nice imaging and
metaphors. Seems to be about in the first instance the beginning of life from a genetic stance, expressed as the formation of DNA, then on to spermatozoa, containing half the genetic pool for a person to form.
That may not be the intention, but this kind of writing leaves a lot open to interpretation.
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i like your take on the piece because you see the pool as the beginning and i wrote it as the end. the wand represents the blueprint of life-dna and the authority of commerce and thievery that dictates our world's economy and hence the individual on whichever side he or she may be born. The train could be the passage of life to the great beyond or the passage from the great beyond to the here and now and this life. so it is open to much interpretation thank you for your feedback!!!
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i asked for free verse or prose, but i'm not going to DQ this because i liked it. the rhyme was actually well done (usually i just don't allow rhyme because i get a lot of bad couplets)
this says a LOT. i loved the second stanza, "we are the architects of dust from our explosive birth". i think you pinpointed the topic i wanted to see expressed... the only downside is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but life as a whole is anticlimactic, isn't it...
Thank you for the entry
-cassidy
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thank you for being
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this was a pretty interesting piece...I like it and I think that it has a certain flow to it that can only be really powerful reading it a loud
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I truly enjoyed reading this, not often I see someone with a voice all their own, strong and graceful rreally, I was really taken back by your words, "architects of dust"?? You don't leave the reader time to adjust, it's a smash in the face really, of beauty, atleast that's how i felt when I read it
Bravo..
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I appreciate your comments more because I really like your work. I respect your opinion thank you.
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hmm i really liked it. good job and good luck!
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I really liked this one, it moved along quickly but didn't seem in the slightest rushed. Nice job.
On a side note...
I read one theory about the origin of the Caduceus and it was the removal of the subcutaneous parasite from the human body. I will not put the details here as it may repulse some of your excellent fans.
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I dont know whats wrong with my comments page but thank you for your comment. i always appreciate your feedback. Did you ever see Upright Citizens Brigade? you should check it out.
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I shall check it out. And I got the comment about the typo. I'll be changing that now.
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