too near
through the distance
you whisper
white with the motion
of seas,
strength and its delicate feathers
steadying the skies,
earth and the heavens, between
two light bruised wings
caught in the halo of sun
swallowing dark
from the night.
A contest entry
- Swanee... How We Love You by PageTurner.
1050 points, ended June 16, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I just loved this, it makes her seem like that light that cascades on the water just as the sun goes down. Breathaking. Love, C
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beautiful
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So misunderstood are Seagulls and I feel that you have an infinity with them.Slightly bruised by life, caught between heaven and earth.Well let me tell you, I love Seagulls.They have a beauty all their own.Majestic in their own way as I am sure you are too.Well done on your HM for a beautiful poem, Ros
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Such a pretty write with a beautiful tone. I especially like the ending. ~ Joyce
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I might consider losing "light" two bruised wings seems stronger.
This has an interesting pace
the first stanza is very halting? Then the rest take their "flight" so to speak with their longer lines..
Your opening is sort of one of those... over thinky lines (for me). . It has stopped me every time from plunging into the poem each time I've read it. Not that that is bad just a statement from one Reader because they are indeed Liza-esque lines for sure.
Good to see you writing..
xo
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you know....sometimes there are words...that regardless of their bulkiness. simply must stay...? yes? do you find that??
for me the word light... is crucial to the metaphor
thank you
xo -
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yup i do. how about two then? lol
no no no just kidding. your poem. it must be as it must be.
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Yes, I see the connection clearly now. How wondrous.
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I like the beach
...but I cannot go in the sun any more. I will have to like a great many more birds to keep me from eating turkey on Thanksgiving.
Great poem, to celebrate!
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earth and the heavens, between
two light bruised wings
I wasn't sure how to say it before:
For me, you have pointed to a 'space', which is where we are situated, as consciousness embracing the 'earth and heavens'. This 'space', what we are; undefined between the fragile 'bruised wings'- perhaps the senses informing the 'heart' between them.
I'm sure it is open to further interpretations, but I really love the feeling of being so situated, as the context for the whole poem.
Sol
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thank you I like your interpretation of it, very much so..
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In a word... artfully stunning.
Okay, two words... lol.
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This is beautiful. Well composed and your imagery is so vivid. Such a soft poem it needs to be whispered.
Good luck.
Garrison
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Beautiful standout lines: "earth and the heavens, between
two light bruised wings" makes this poem. Good stuff.
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beautifully written
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This is a wonderful tribute...and so much more, but then you always insert sockets for connection in your words far beyond the simplicity of the blinking LEDs....yes?
The line breaks are legend and the imagery is cinematic in a 2001 Space Odyssey sort of grandeur....vast vistas of light/darkness breaking away into infinity with a depth that begs description.
Bugger me for a seagull....it is the flight 'beyond' you have captured here....bouyed up with a sense of inner strength of a lightness of being.
Oh. And it's so very good
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"strength and its delicate feathers
steadying the skies,
earth and the heavens, between
two light bruised wings"
Yes! You've undressed our Swanee and shown us her essence and presence. With delicacy and brevity, you have painted her true to form... giving and warm.
I thank you for sharing your feelings, Poet!
Good Luck in the contest, my Friend.
~ Nicky♥
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thank you for providing the place to do so
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It has been an honor, my Friend. ~ Nicky♥
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We have so many seagulls here that just mess on everything - no big body of water here - just lots of fast food outlets they can get garbage from. Do not think your seagulls are the same as the ones here. LOL Like yours much better!
Think the metaphoric interpretation of this poem is great! Nice tribute.
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delicate and beautiful...
al
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Beautiful Purity and Soul
Well it has... and I love it!
strength and its delicate feathers
steadying the skies,
earth and the heavens, between - ...Much, much like this couplet.
two light bruised wings - ................Much like it all.
I could go into metaphysical concepts about relativity with this- but no I wont.
I feel with this, that you have really taken flight into your own large feelings, rather than more cerebral type thoughts and detective work.
For me it has a feeling of Taoism in its purity... in fact very much so.
Much moved, by this from you.
Sol
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Red Skelton would be proud...
Simple is beautiful. My new mantra, or my old one, who am I? Anyway, I agree with what that guy just said, simplicity is beautiful and to add to his confusion, simple is complex...lines like:
"strength and its delicate feathers
steadying the skies."
I am in awe. Wow, Him, a fellow who usually reserves that word for "Moxie," that is how awestruck he is...I is, we is...
No, multiple personalities aside, I am serious, complexity is fine to flex the imagination, show off the brain, but sometimes beauty is in simplicity...where have I heard that before? Oh yes, that guy who claims that it is his mantra. He's right.
There are other lines I'd like to point out like the bruised wings and the swallowing dark part and I would but the mantra guy hates when I am prolix and my and well, you already know what you wrote, so...
We all agree though that it's beautiful.
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too near
through distant
a whisper
white in the motion of seas
strength woven in delicate feathers
steady the sky
earth and heavens between
light shaped wings
caught in the halo
the sun swallowed night
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this is so good, i'm going to have to bookmark it and come back when my brain is in gear..
but the line breaks from you, as usual are stupendous, seagulls, seas, oceans and earth... we live, we breathe, we swim in it all... this is a beautiful piece for Wanda.
Gilly.x
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So great to see a new poem from your pen, Liza...and what a beautiful one.
i love seagulls in poetry...this poem carries the strength of their wings to Wanda...loved it
~ Nicolette
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Oh yes. I see what you have done now. At first I thought you had changed the little stanza around completely...But no, it was a slight change. The "feathers" bit carries such a softness now.
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Oh I have waited so patiently for a new Liza poem. You don't let me down. Only nit-pick that I can see is that I so want to change "gathering" to "gathers" or quite possibly something else along those lines. Just food for thought though. Your movement in this poem is slight and the punctuation adds careful pausing right where it should be. First stanza reminded me that we are all so delicately human. Like spider cocoons before the storm. I will read this many times, over and over again. Can't help it.
You are good.
;
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thank you
I don't know about the gathers, gathering, I'm not keen on it either, but nothing else 'feels' right yet, if you know what I mean?
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I'm sure you will somehow make it sound alright to you, eventually. Sometimes, like we have both said, poems need to sit for a little before we can make changes.
And you're welcome.
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"Seagull, you fly across the horizon
Into the misty morning sun.
Nobody asks you where you are going,
Nobody knows where you're from..."
from: "Seagull" by Bad Company
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I love that song.......
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"caught in the halo of sun
swallowing dark
from the night."
Sighhh...Magnificent, Liza. Thank you so much for these beautiful, profound words, my Friend. Your pen paints colors in my heart with the tender brush of a true artiste. Good luck in Nicky's contest, Sweetie. Wanda
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you are MORE than welcome... thank YOU for being the inspiration
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