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Le Rendezvous





Up on the hillside, sweet snow-drops glisten,
like silver threads, in your soft gold locks,
that mimic blossoms, peeping through the rocks;
and smiling gaze, as you fondly listened.

I see you still, an evanescent shade.
An alabaster sun shines down and mocks;
and glances off the stone where you were laid.





Published in Lyrical Iowa, 2009

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • drakostheron
    August 5, 2008

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    Great work just like the one you entered in my contest. I hope to see more of your talent in my future contests


  • Lyndon gold member
    July 2, 2008

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    Wonderful work as always. Everything micol said is so very true. Congratulations. Ron.


  • micol
    July 1, 2008

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    Fascinating--the final line frces us to revisit and reinterpret everything in the earlier lines. You handle form as expertly as usual. Many thanks for the work that went into this and for taking the time to enter the contest.

    • ecrivain01
      July 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks ...

      I appreciate that since I'm rather hesitant lately as I don't feel up to writing and when I force myself to it, as I did today, then I wonder if it was any good anyway.

      • micol
        July 1, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, how I can appreciate what you are going through. I've been 'dry' for some weeks now, hesitant to either write or comment. I miss the fluidity of thought.


  • secberm
    June 16, 2008

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    Well penned, old bean! It's (dare I say...?) touching! LOL And endearing piece indeed. I like. Good luck and write on, poet. One.

    Dez

  • Bad Bill
    June 16, 2008

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    Tender and touching--and your concluding three lines are absolutely spot on. Excellent.

    Bill


  • just mercedes gold member
    June 15, 2008

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    This is a tender and lyrical poem, a great use of this short form to express emotion and introspection. I liked the play with evanescent and alabaster, and /I see you still/ took me to McBeth.


  • Sacred Ground
    June 14, 2008

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    A MIni Sonnet? Regardless, this is beautiful. Direct and to the point, but it lingers in the mind so well. Thanks for sharing, this is great writing!


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    June 14, 2008

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    Oh my, I felt this one. Wonderful use of this short form to express emotion, care and tenderness. A treasure my friend. It moved me. ~Pamela


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 14, 2008

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    You have penned an excellent Sonnette, compact, precise and to the point. This is beautiful as it stands.

    Thanks for showing me how to do it.

    All the best in the contest...Sue


  • Death of the Author
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I read this and saw the contest I guessed that that the form was effectively half a sonnet. I think it is perfect on it's own, standing alone...but I also think you could make this into a whole sonnet or even lyrics - I think the content and wording would work well in song.

    Not many people on here can actually pull off a sonnet...that sounds like it is supposed to...or flows from line to line...

    Good read - good luck

1 - 12 of 12