and when i thought the word were lost

the words arent lost. more of they have gained a new voice. i need to say whats in my heart before they tear my heart apart. i used to be loved and cared for. i feel like a green house left, abandoned to grow wild. was it the gardener who failed to keep the plants beautiful or was it the plants who gave up and wilted? i loved once. a man i thought was going to be the one i was with. he left me abandoned. but instead of growing wildly. i still held myself. and grew beautiful. blinded the gardener was that he couldnt see the fruits of those plants. he still cannot see the beauty within them. but moreso still sees the old plants that he had gave life too once.
i said once that the words wherent lost moreso they just gained a new voice. but it seems the fire rising through my being where fed and you brought the words out. to live to breathe to feel the warmth. i had so much faith in something so far out of reach. no wonder i fell so hard from that place i tripped and fell from. i doubted myself for you. caught myself in the actions of doing something i knew i would fail. even though everything pointed to it being all for naught i still compelled myself to continue moving foreward saying that everything was going to better once we were together. but the truth of the matter is that the distance test us. throws us into another level of trust and understanding. and we failed that test didnt we?
the words have changed the tune. no longer bits and peices of words thrown together. more full fledged sentences thought out, planned and penned. spaces are vital no longer filling the void. but hidden meanings and shallow points woven, intermingles withing the well scripted pages.
i dont know whats going on. the waves of emotions take over. but speak through me differently. the words fall on hands that have yet to learn the motions of this new found voice. they trip and fumble over once familiar words. typos occur, and delete. facing the challenges of the once known feel of hitting the right keys at the right time.
my fingers crap trying to keep up with a now, new racing thoughts that seem to speed and then slowed down. the thoughts fumbling out, spilling forth. the tears that fall and the words slow. i dont know what im going to do with this new found voice. it also has a mind of its own. compelling the reader with its wits. maybe it will come again or fall to its on doom and never to come again.