Aladdin's Lamp-lit journey
a dream I do not know,
towards the secrets of a heart
incessant strong winds blow,
three wishes into one
to be chosen oh' so wisely,
when all is said and done it seems
they're summed up so precisely,
in single hearted dying
to all but one concern,
made whole in boiling waters
when there's nothing left to learn.
Stomachs large with emptiness
climaxes are too few,
savouring all the curse and bless
which we would have pull through
un-knotted ties with dealings
emerging into new,
flames are fired in wanting
and all mingled in with you.
Hues of green and gold
have fallen into grey,
only light-shine from your eyes
brings colours I can't say.
Hungry with the rubbing
but now my mind is set,
One wish to pull the sails up,
one want to give and get.
No pre-tensing any longer,
comfort circled over fences,
my aim, my heart, my moving flight
rides war on supposed consequences
on world-of-dead-grey phantom
no root to pointed meaning,
a shallow grave which does not hide
nor hear the pointless scream.
This Genie in our presence
a will not to be messed with,
all brought to large in life
dreams asked for and then blessed with.
Don't fear the devil tongues,
so pitied in the light,
once brought forward moaning
from their partial playing night.
All veils of misconception
lick dust on to the floor,
now in Vision's moving gaze
through rigour brought to more.
A timely sped up journey
meeting all that then might be,
while sailing close in moonlight
is my genie's honour and me.
Author notes
Emotion: desire, need, want, venturing towards circumstances which need consideration and may not allow you to win what is desired. Resolute but cautious. Fairly long, it just wrote that way... sorry... or perhaps not if you like it.
In a list
A contest entry
- A Fistful of Prompts by MysticEnchantress.
750 points, ended July 4, 18 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I take this poem was for a word bank contest. And you have done well! A lot of symbolism and imagery throughout this classic style write..You have that poets pen for sure seen through all the lines as it weaves the scene
all through the journey..Bravo!
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WELL
I for one am always against poetry of this length.
Unless I'm BLOWN AWAY!! YAY!!!!
Magnificent write, best of luck (not that you need it ^.^)
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Hey' thanks for the 'honour'!
And for your words of appreciation and encouragement.
All the best
Sol
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Hmmm...
I really enjoyed the imagery that you used, but perhaps it would be helpful to work on creating some sort of flow to the story. You are clearly a talented writer, but it seems that, in this poem, you are lacking focus. I wasn't sure whether we were sailors or Aladdin or King Solomon or what. Focusing the words and creating flow will really give punch to your message...it's hard to empathize with the story if you're not quite sure what it's about.
Your word choice was superb... I definitely felt that I could see, somewhat, the scenery itself.
Keep writing!
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Thank you very much for your well considered comment, which is always much appreciated.
I admit that the focus was originally on a 'private journey', which coloured the symbolism and content, however I felt it held substance in a more universal way too.
The first stanza is intended to set the scene. This being about any journey towards that which one most loves, then facing the obstacles involved and benefiting from the providence, represented by the genie, which I feel always accompanies such sincere endeavours.
I may look to see if I can open all this to be more evident.
Thanks again.
Sol
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Hi
I think the poem is great i love the rhyming but it is too long i think. Keep it up.
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It seemed as though it was about Aladdin in the beginning..but then later it seemed as though it wasn't about that at all.
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Please explain... did this leave you disappointed then, or not?
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i like
i very much like this
some how i want to read more and understand more
please for me keep writing
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you for your comment...
and I will!
Sol
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All veils of misconception
lick dust on to the floor,
now in Vision's moving gaze
through rigour brought to more.
simply beautiful. i'm so impressed! -
Oh my this is incredle! I love the genie part at the very end. You should find a picture with a genie
I am touched with the imagery in this piece...
Very very well done!
. Rewarded 4
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The life is imaginative living and why it is imaginative because the imaginative faculty SOMEWHERE UP rules it, and we the humane are always chasing all those imaginations which seems us the true..But..
You created HIS aspirations in our
world...Truthfully..Well done...
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Thank you so much my friend.
Sol
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psstt ... knotted has two t's .lolol..
but apart from that, maybe you should rub the lamp a little and see what wishes might be!!
beautimous
Gilly.xxx
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Thank you!
Rectified....... x
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I LOVE IT!!!! Love the changes you've made since first draft, very well done. It reads like a book that I don't want to put down and I think it's fabulous.X
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Well that's me well happy then... Thank you
X
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Wow! I'll come back
Ruby
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