Candy-red
wood hearts;
hanging above.
Locked
withholding
restraints.
Frozen
felt flakes.
Confused
air.
This place
{me}
beauty
within
sorrow.
Author notes
http://breedstock.deviantart.com/art/candy-hearts-88601767 <- Picture credit.
I had fun with this one. I made it a lot more personal than I expected. I hope I did well. (20 word limit. I love quickies!!)
I think I might try and rewrite this one and make it longer. I really like it so far.
Oh yes, is the formatting awkward? I hope not. I thought it looked nice. Eh, it's all personal opinion.
A contest entry
- 10/20/30 Another Quickie by Nighttime angel.
725 points, ended June 14, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment honestly please. But don't be rude. CONSTRUCTIVE CRISTISM is welcome. But don't bash me; I work hard.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I love the body shape of the poem, the lines tied together in one image giving a great emotion. Beautiful imagery
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This is a beautiful, I've looked at a couple of poems with the same format. You inflict so much emotion with so little words, it makes me wonder as I read through it. I love the poems that make me use my imagination. Thats what poetry is about, right? In my opinion its an important aspect anyway Thanks so much for this wonderful poem xx
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Thanks.
Really, I normally don't do poems with any sort of formatting, but this one was just a quickie so I made it a little bit more interesting.
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y'know, you could almost call this piece dirty pretty. The formatting is the same, it's just the punctuation that's different XD
But this poem is beautiful. You say so much in so few words.
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NOO!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! NO!!!! IT IS NOT!! NOOO!!!
Now I have to change it!!
Thanks on the other part though.
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If you change it, I'll
!
No changing!
Just admit it.
You secretly love dirty pretty. -
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Don't cry Jojo...
I won't I like the way it lookt.
Nope... I hate the awkward punctuation and the subject matter too. That's what makes this not DP... The subject matter.
yay!!
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Now you're just stereotyping
GO ME! I SPELLED STEREOTYPING RIGHT!
*ish impressed by myself* -
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No... I'm not. That's how DP is defined. Look it up.
Yay for Jojo! -
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you mean you've actually looked up definitions of it?
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Yes I have.
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You could be a whole different kind of dirty pretty!
One that isn't about what normal dirty pretty is about!
It could be la viva la revolution!
Ooh, that sounds cool.
But sadly, I don't think you will
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Maybe... But nope.
I'd rather is just be a poem. (With no weird ?///---()@ ACK!!!!) -
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Why be a poem when you can be a beautiful poem?
But alas, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
I still like the words la viva la revolution though.
They're the best words I've thought all day. -
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It is a beautiful poem...
Most definitely.
Yep. mee too.
Yay for Jojo! -
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Yesh, the words are beautiful, and the formatting is beautiful, but the punctuation is ordinary.
What?
I'm confuzzled.
I must gooooooooooooooooooo and drink hot chocolate.
Yay for Jojo!
Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you -
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Yesh yesh. I like ordinary puncuation it doesn't make my head go BOOM!!!
YAY!! Have fun.
Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you too!!
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I really love your take on the prompt. the background is nice, except however it takes away from your poem. May I suggest a simpler background instead.
as far as your poem I really love. I really like the last 5 lines.
good luck
kat
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