I hope that you love me fully
With no exceptions
When you look at me with your blue eyes
They do not lie
Hope that when you drown me in a kiss
It is the taste of me youll miss
I hope we'll be together until the Earth grows cold
not until the cheese in the refrigerator starts to mold
When I ask you where you are going
Wish you could meet my stare
I know where you are going
To the painted red lips
Alluring hips
So quick to unzip
You and I we are like a lightswitch, on and off
We seem to spiral downward
Tell me will this pattern ever end...
And the hour of your
Return
Don't think you are the only one
With a gilded body to hide
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hmmm the whole piece was not bad except for "not until the cheese in the refrigerator starts to mold"... that kinda spoilt the poem for me..
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SPOILED it eh
Uhhhm if you have eyes youll see someone already told me -
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oh oops didn't see tt... sorry i have the same opinion as someone else? i'll give a suggestion instead haha... maybe "to speak of ardent lovers whose story's untold'? hahah just a random thought sorry abt the useless comment i gave...
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aw thats alrightt hehe. that is a good line! I would totally use it I just really want something that relates to the time thing.. o well
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"not until weary hearts succumb to the wold/world"? haha just a few ideas you can toil with (:
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Thanks Carli!!^_^
Yeahh I think your right about that line i wasnt sure about it either but i was lazy haha. do you have a suggestion what i shud change it tooo?
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OOO...scandalous Kimmy! I didn't expect the end. Very well done. Not too fond of the "not until the cheese in the refrigerator starts to mold" line, but that's just my preference. It doesn't seem to go with the tone of the rest of the poem because everything else is more romantic and flowery. Either way, I still love it. Keep up the good work Kimmy! <3
~Carli~
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