Blackthorn cloaked in frost,
undresses in the morning,
as the sun peeps through the trees.
Drips fall from long thorns,
patting on the fallen leaves,
an omen of Spring showers.
Andrew Hide
30~12~2003
Author notes
Written December 30th, 2003
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Andrew,
Thanks it opens a bit more about this special style
Wim -
Yes in Japanese poetry, metaphores were genrally accepterble before the haiku and report style of Shiki. The structure of teh sedko was simple to see, but the actual form has been learned as you mentioned, by looking at the similar approach to subjects by different poets. Do to how the sedoka gradually evolved into the tanka, we can see how the later sedoka mirrored the early tanka form and only changed in its shape and length. The earlier sedoka were very much based in the Chinese style which the Japanese culture was, at this time, breaking away from. If you look at the poets such as Li Bo and other Chinese poets from around Tang Dynasty you'll see a clear relation to style, though the Japanese had shortened the words and perhapse looked more to the image itself rather than the feeling of the poet.
There is a fair list of links to both Chinese and Japanese poets from my author page, under oldpoetry favourites.
Andrew -
I read some of it. Indeed it puts me to think since I saw here the remark of the possibillity of being metaphorical. I suppose even in those old times people might have had this way of speaking. I suppose the rules for these poems were probably not written down. The structure we learned from what has been found.
But when we do haiku it is suppsoed not do it in metaphors should that be for this way of writing to? -
LOL...The sedoka is a favourite of mine, yet rarely seen today.
You need to go back to a time before most poetic forms were even considered, no one knows when the sedoka first came into being, its style is Chinese based yet was popular as the common poetic form in Japan at the dawn of Japanese litreture by the time the sedoka was going out of fashion the first Japanese poems where being written down (though still using Chinese characters) and the waka / tanka was starting to become the foremost form / style used. That was over 1300 years ago, ( Euroupe's population was halfed by plagues and Beowulf was written for the first time ) that long ago.
The structure is made up of two Katauta ( 5-7-7 onji) the first will show a scene the second will usually show the same scene but from a different angle/ perspective or in later versions it would show a responce to the first or a reaction, much like the tanka which replaced it.
As the sedoka ( and its sister form the Mondo) were a spoken form very few classical piece remain today.
I hope this gives you a rough guide, feel free to ask any questions.
Andrew -
yes philophant is right the reader feels almost voyeuristic in this well crafted but educate me sedoka is not a cheesy singer called neil is it?
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I think I like this one the best of what I have read so far this morning. This is like a photo with words. The image is so vivid it is like looking at a picture
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Excellent sedoka.... I love that form. You have a way with this style and should use it often.
Take care,
Don -
The words here are amazingly expressive. "Cloaked...undressing...peeps..." All very carefully chosen and arranged. The first line in the second stanza really caught my eye. Because its simplicity and clearness...a nice quality of oriental poetry. I could see "Drips" falling off "long thorns." Maybe it's just me, but I like that line.
Of course, I LIEKD the whole thing. Good job.
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nice
Like pink baby cheeks,
The leaves are freshly exposed.
How adorable!
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there is a delicacy in your descriptions, a well painted scene. the promise of warmth on a cold winters day. could be metaphorical too.
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A perfect description. I love the image of the frost being shed like clothing. And the patting of the drips foreshadowing rain: brilliant. This is a lovely, contemplative piece.
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Observing a spring thaw. The first two lines, I felt, were especially graceful.
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