Embracing windows,
mutton paned visions
spiritual epiphanies
today's souls,
tomorrow's.
Author notes
Picture prompt 10 words
Give me feeling without using the words love, pair, couple, hug, kiss or any form of any of these words...
In a list
A contest entry
- 500 points for 10 words by Unsigned.
950 points, ended June 15, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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What a sense of wonder you present through these words you have used here with these words!Your choice of words paints a picture of the picture above your words, but also "spiritual epiphanies" reminds me of the echo of a song back and forth as I understood the word when we would sing at a camp from one side of the water to another..I like this as two souls are echoing back their messages to one another! "Two souls, tomorrows"....Beautiful expressive write!
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Lovely
Just a beautiful poem. I love spiritual epiphanies today's souls, tomorrow's. Such a sweet gentle feeling of safety with hope and serenity. Looks like beautiful love to me. Excellent write and just 10 words. Your poetry impresses me so much. Thank you for sharing with me!!
Many Blessings
Much Love
Your Sis
Kelle Marie
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i enjoyed this piece even though the last line is a bit of a mystery to me but i like it that way! i wish you all the best of luck in the contest!
~NeeCee -
This seems like it rhymes but it really doesn't. I'm confused. lol. Masterfully worded.
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This was definitely an acceptable and romantic take on love.
However, the several grammar/spelling/comprehension problems I found with the poem distracted me.
In the second line, it should be "mutton-paned" if the visions are "paned" with "mutton" or whatever that's supposed to mean.
"Epiphany's" should be "epiphanies".
I'm really not sure what to make of the last line: parallelism rules would indicate that it should be "tomorrow's" based upon the line before.
Finally, poems are typically capitalized on every line rather than just at the beginning of a sentence as in prose.
However, the diction is nice, and I wish you the best of luck -
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curious, not for sake of argument,
but because I am interested in learning proper grammar and writing skills. Why would Mutton paned have to be hyphenated, muttons are the dividing strips between the panes of glass, like those in the window behind the couple in the photo, you may be right, just wonder why.
Epiphanies, you are correct I don't know why I spelled as I did I know better.
Capitalizing every line in poetry might be typical to some but it is incorrect and have had this discussion before. Many do capitalize each line, as it has become acceptable considering poetry is an art and therefore it is ones preference, it is however incorrect.
Be interested in your further thoughts about this.
Thank you for your honest and constructive critique, it is through this type of review one can learn by. -
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For the mutton-paned windows, it's because mutton-paned technically becomes a singular adjective describing the window, correct? The windows are "paned" with "muttons". I'm trying to think of what these types of adjectives are actually called, but the name doesn't come to mind. It's kind of like creating one word out of two...
It's like having a "one-story" building or seeing a "teary-eyed" boy.
As for the capitalization, it wasn't that much of a big deal for me. It's simply more professional that way. You don't see Dickens' or Keats' poems without capitalization for the first word in every line.
Sorry that this is so long. I just hoped any of it helped you at all.
I'm glad that you saw my comment as constructive, because that's what I was going for. I don't intend to sound demeaning or condescending ever when I comment like that.
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I like the hope feel in this piece..
today's souls,
tomorrows.
Wonderful- best of luck
Ruby
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i really love how you have used the window in this picture to describe some of the deep feelings you were sharing here, i love the flow of this, good luck in the contest and as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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Quite touching. Nice!
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Not sure I get the 'mutton-paned' bit--does it refer to the type of window? Nor am I sure of the grammar at the end. Is 'tomorrows' supposed to be a plural or a possessive? I can't tell what you mean (because of the epiphany's error) or if you got it right.
As is, 'epiphany's' is a possessive. If you mean a plural, it should be 'epiphanies.' -
Very well done.
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And although you had a little mistake there (Epiphany's should be Epiphanies), the poem is understood and glances at a pure vision of what love is. Congratulations.
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very nice well done
Simon
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Great, I liked how you 'wrapped' it
good luck to you in the contest lol
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