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Soul
unseen yet felt
fragile as this Fall's last leaf
my heart waits for Time -
when tranquil Mountains move
and our Star the heavens
leaves
*
(Oct 30 2003)
Author notes
[leaf: song audio]
Note: Format adjusted for visual effect
[See also 'Stars': allpoetry.com/Poem/594712 ]
For two examples of original Japanese tanka, click "View All" to see a previous reply to comment.
For the full Ogura Hyakunin Isshu compilation: click the Collection list, 'Japanese form:~ tanka', (above) for the link to the web page.
Written December 30th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Nature Form Poetry Contest by Kari.
400 points, ended November 6, 2006, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Splendid
Congrats dearest One on a worthy write.
Love
Myra -
Ooo you do these very effectively well the earth moved for me
I wonder if it was the leaf crashing to earth, well done.
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AAA
I loved this the format and everything is perfect. Amazing graphics you have with it
I'll comment more after the contest..the best of luck to you.
Kari
Edited on Nov 04, 1:37 p.m. because 'typo!'. -
Simple yet so beautiful. I liked the effect of the leaf falling as well! joy
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That was beautiful! I must say I agree with you "Love can move mountains" such depth can be read into something so short and simple...
Thanks for sharing,
Mareta
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Nice tanka. Metaphors used are very good.
Best wishes and good luck,
manoj -
WoW! The visiual affects had me staring, but your well chosen words kept me here. I love to play with Tankas. I never realized how profound they could be until taking a class here under the careful and insightful instruction of Andrew Hide. I can tell you, it increased my appreciation for this fine form tenfold. This is nothing short of stunning Gennelle. I love it.
♥ Kimberly -
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Chari!
Actually, it was the heart I intended 'fragile' to refer to, i.e.
'fragile as this Fall's last leaf
my heart waits for time.'
I already have a link for the Ogura Hyakunin Isshu on my Collection list page: 'Japanese forms:~ tanka'. Just click the link up near the heading here.
~G
Edited on Feb 06, 3:57 because 'correction'. -
Excellent!
On a first read, I felt that this tanka echoes ones connection with the Supreme Source of All Creation...Godhead, and I particularly love the use of the word "fragile" used for the soul here. Indeed, the soul is fragile, very fragile...The layout here is really beautiful and very attractive. I can see why Kethry thought it was a shape poem. Each line is deep and meaningful in this tanka. I very much like the lower half {Shimonoku} in this tanka. It speaks of the infinite patience one can have/hold in her heart and wait for something. The pivot line is most powerful here and makes the reader stop and listen...and then feel the thoughts of the poet. The Kaori{pivot} blends the Kaminshu and Shimonoku very well together. Also, individually they read well as haiku, but they have a stronger effect on the reader in the tanka style. Your reply to Jaymielle certainly helped me understand this tanka better.
Thanks for a lovely and enriching read.
Thank you for mentioning and sharing two tanka from the Ogura Hyakunin Isshu. How I wish I could read more tanka from it. Do you know where I can find it online?
Thanks once again,
-Charishma -
very good
Very well done. A wonderful example of infinite patience.
A good poem.
thanks,
John -
I like that meaning better than mine, and the "our" Stars makes more sense now
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Thank you, Jay! Tanka were most often written as subtle love letters between nobles at the Japanese court.
It is actually a metaphor, for love that waits for the dramatic change it takes in some attitudes to recognize and accept love that's right in front of them. Even if it takes forever... Love can 'move mountains', can it not?
~G
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This had such a sense of tranquility and peace to it, and I loved the leaf/leave reference. You begin with a definition of soul, and one that seems quite accurate, then the sudden switch to Heart and waiting. waiting... for the end of the world? I felt like I lost the meaning a bit there. if I'm right about the end of the world thing, then I'm left to wonder why? This isn't a depressing "it should all just end" poem, so why are you anticipating an end? Anyway, it certainly makes me think, great write.
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Awesome...I'm not familar with the style of poetry either but it is beautiful and as for the falling leaf...I want falling leaves....Boo hoo....I truly is like the cherry on an ice cream sundae...That finishing touch! Brilliant!
Victoria Lin -
Ahh, this is sweet, you did a really good job.
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This is a wonderful tanka. I love this form and you did a great job with it. Good luck in the contest.
~Lyrical
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Thank you, Colin! You are the first to notice, let alone mention, the pivot line.
~ G
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brilliant pivot line ...i like lots.. cant wait for tanka class
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I am new to this form of poetry..but I can tell you...I love it...you have done an excellent job writing this..and the presentation is WONDERFUL...couldn't be any better.
Keep up the great work. -
Perfect :f
Lovely fragility in this tanka, Gennelle ... where the exit word becomes both noun and verb, transcending language, for resurrected Tranquility and the Powerful Sublime ... As taken from Biblcal promises (warnings?). How great He is! And how powerful yet soft, with whispers of tender fingertips, you've captured this Greatness ... Moving from Great to small to Great again.
Wonderful in typography and aura - subtle seasonal elements in the essence of the Great Ancients.
I love to read your work. It echoes my soul in intense recognition.
Love,
Myra -
This is so beautiful
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The RUSH
of the soul
In
autumn leaves
of tranquillity
our hearts stars in the heavens
depart in our destiny
What can I say to timeless perfection?
On the road to infinity…
Brilliant use of words and the Artistry is Elegant.
This is my first introduction to the Japanese Tanka
Thank you for sharing this within all of us.
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enlightenment ? . . or judgement day . . hmmmm
very deep thoughts . . makes me contemplative and questioning . .
which is what i love to do . . lol. . perfect . .
seems too oblique and complex for a contest . . this one need s fraiming and hanging above a window
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Thank you, Kethry! Japanese poetry is essentially all 'shaped' because of the word characters of the language and being written in one line. Seemed appropriate to me to try to make it as visually attractive in English also.
~ G
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I've not seen this form of Tanka before and I would have said it lovely shape poetry. Excellent work anyhow. good luck in the contest.
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Beautiful!
Oh, Gennelle, this is truly marvelous! Not only is it a lovely tanka, the shape it presents on 'paper' is perfect! Very artistic, lady!
Wonderful, wonderful! Brava to YOU!
Regards,
Melinda -
great tanka
i did the tanka class and understand bits [ cant write em for toffee ~ and this is great!
elaine
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I loved what you have done with the layout! And the words very well chosen. A nice stop to appreciate the autumn
K&L
Mari
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this form has always intrigued me but i have never seen it done so beautifully. the 'structure' and leaf image is just amazing. more so the content of your lovely words. i have attempted this form and haiku but never to my own satisfaction and have not posted any of my efforts. it is one of the most difficult forms for me. but i so enjoy reading them and absorbing the image and metaphors. i, very much enjoyed this poem. and also the info in your comment.
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This is a beautiful Tanka with a lesson to learn as well. As you said in one of your comments that the Tanka was used to express emotions in an elegant way I think you did that very well. I have written Tankas before but did not know their history. Now I know and can improve on that. This was an excellent example.
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sppeechless. No stunned is a better word.
Howcome I never saw these before. -
the beauty of nature will hopefully never leave us. but knowing human nature we will destroy it and all will be lost. . . Hmm.... i don't like that thought
Very good write muchly enjoyed the read
*hugs*
liz -
Now, i would not have known this was anything but a very tightly constructed free verse - and that is all I require of it - it is excellent on that level, alone. thanks. (and thank you also for all your kind comments on my poetry.)
Scott
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Hi Bill ~ Oh good! Thank you I do try to be as creatively original as I can...I suppose it could be closer to a calligramme, or a type-set 'near-Haiga'...
~ Maatkara
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Beautiful
Hi Ma at kara:
I am not familiar with the way you have done this Tanka. I do really like the message and the form is very nice. I have just not seen this particular form or style of Tanka before. Bill -
Thank you, Acounselor! Yes, Tanka is one of the oldest forms of Japanese poetry, pre-dating Haiku by hundreds of years. The form is 5-7-5-7-7, 31 syllables. They were used to express emotions in elegant ways, and as love poems by the nobility. The "Ogura Hyakunin Isshu" is a compilation of 100 poems by 100 different poets from the 7th - 13th century (Haiku came to prominence in the 17th century). Here are 2 examples from that compilation:
Emperor Sotuko
Though a swift stream is
divided by a boulder
In its headlong flow,
Though divided, on it rushes,
And at last unites again.
Lady Horikawa
Is it forever
That he hopes our love will last?
He did not answer.
And now my daylight thoughts
Are as tangled as my black hair.
~ Maatkara
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I am not familiar with Tanka, but you are always teaching me new things Maatkara. I am assuming it is a form of haiku, since the first 3 line are in perfect haiku form. The last two lines tied the vision/thoughts into a tightly wrapped bow that only time can unwrap. As always, full of insight and poetic passion!
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