I asked the moon to take my love to you
With words I wrote to set your heart on fire
Her silver voice can speak of my desire
And ev'ry word she says to you is true
Last night she whispered all your love to me
Before the stars were singing as a choir
The beauty of your heart and poetry
Author notes
No, I'll replace this, wanted to try the form straight away but this is too twee even for me!
I'll do a better one when my muse gets back from wherever it is!
A contest entry
- Form Challenge by micol.
1050 points, ended July 1, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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An enjoyable poem to read, Jeff.
Ron.
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I'm not as happy with it as I would have liked, I was going to do a replacement (in fact I wrote another but it was not better) I need to find exactly the right use for the form I think.
Thank-you for the praise though
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I miss the clarity that judicious punctuation might add to the piece, especially in the triplet; but otherwise you handle form, language, and content very well. Thanks for the work that went into the poem.
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One day, I am going to learn to punctuate a poem, I promise!
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I'd put a comma ...
after heart in the last line. Then again, this isn't punctuated so it might not look right.
Anyway, good job, all in all.
I like the new pic.
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OH my, I found this liltingly romantic. Not too twee for me either. But I am partial to the whisper of the moon... I loved it. ~Pamela
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It's simple, straightforward, poetic, uncomplicated, well-worded. Three-bunny stuff. It ain't "twee". Jings, bro, wassamarrer?
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I thought this was grand, and a good example of the Sonette..and not too 'twee' for me!
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This poem will stay on AP, just I'll put something better in the contest.
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Hey i bet it was a 1,000 man choir sending you my love. This is absolutely beautiful, but then again i know you will change it so let me know when you do.
Excellent Job!
Love you
Passions
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