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C...Why Daddy

Missing image

I stand in awe and watch

as you pack your bags to leave

I can't understand why it's over

when you're gone I'll be relieved

 

All of our dreams were shattered

when you wanted someone new

You destroyed plans for our future

and left your children too

 

Greener pasture await you

as you venture to the other side

Of the fence you built around us

our little home of pride

 

We will miss you daddy

when you really go away

But if you don't love us anymore

It would be a sin for you to stay

 

 

Author notes

Fatherless Day...

In a list

A contest entry

welcome all comments

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Puppydog gold member
    June 12

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    SAD, VERY SAD!!!!

    I remeber a time when family meant love and understanding, now what we once knew as family has changed so much Now most families have only one parent to guide them and love them. 's


  • apples fell
    June 16, 2008

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    I thought, for a rhyming poem, that the first stanza sounded awkward. Something in poetry like this to remember is that the rhymes should always move with precision and smoothness. Your word count in the last line could be what's really throwing that first stanza off. The same can be said for that last stanza as well. The last line in terms of word count throws the rhyming bit off. I love the background for this poem. It is a cool pattern. Is it an allpoetry one? I do think that some of the word choices were a little cliché: "shattered" and "dreams". But I also understand that there are not many ways to say certain things when you are involved with rhyming poetry. I would love to read a free form version of this someday. Just food for thought. I liked this.

    Thanks so much for entering out contest.

    ;


  • lively banter
    June 15, 2008

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    So this is pretty interesting. Lots of wisdom in and maturity in here; at least the idea is. There are a couple clichéd bits in here: the shattered dreams, and greener pastures ideas get around too much. I’d love to see something new here. The really in the last stanza sounds odd to me. Thank you for entering and being a little creative with rhyming. I liked the ideas in this.


  • Natsu
    June 13, 2008
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    that was so sad, but a very good piece. great jobb ;')


  • arafura gold member
    June 13, 2008
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    Very sad... but there are a lot of children in this situation. It's heart breaking!

1 - 8 of 8