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Colorless

 

 

 

 

 

Eyes empty thoughts

      upon this paper,

just as easy as poppies

                would turn to dust.

                  (though they did) 

 

     I took those vivid skies

     too much for granted

       when harping your body

     in tune with romance -

 

but I missed the key

             to your music

 

and became a ghost

with no color instead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Cliché crap - if only I had a little bit of romance in me, it wouldn't turn out this way

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Nicolette gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    You do have romance and love in you; otherwise you wouldn't have been able to write this poem, leander. The strongest part is from the 2nd stanza until the end... it has that lingering quality that stays with the reader. This is wonderful poetry and yes, I can relate so very well.

    ~ Nicolette

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Well, the topic is well worn. But your presentation is hardly cliche. 'just as easy as poppies' was a very beautiful line. I rather liked the ending as well. This is well writ!


  • enitsirhC
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!

    This is DEFINITELY one of my favorites so far!
    Very well done


    Thanks so much for entering my contest!
    Good luck!



  • sweetgurl
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh this is definitely not crap. I think it is very well written. Just like the person below said, romance is in the emotions...and this piece is amazing. It's incredible and my favorite part is,

    "but I missed the key
    to your music
    and became a ghost
    with no color instead."

    For some reason these lines just really connected with me. Keep on writing...take care!
    ~Katie


  • Yemassee silver member
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Romance isn't in butterflies, roses and 10 dollar words, it's in the emotions, in the hurt. There's more romance in your honesty and inward searching/questioning than all the mellifluous crud people praise as romance. Give me honesty, there's more truth in a painful word, more love and desire in their painful loss than 100 lines of poetic fluff.

    I am done.


  • Nicolette gold member
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    You DO have romance in you and this poem shows it, Leander. So: no crap, no cliche, my friend... just sadness...



    Yeah, i guess we never realize what we have until we lose it... Life can be so damn cruel at times. I understand this so very well. Big 's to you for this beautiful poem..and just because...

    ~ Nicolette


  • Metaphorist silver member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    I echo the other commentors. Not cliche. Not crap. You are not capable of writing crap. This is beautiful and heartfelt. And do you have romance in you, I've seen it on the screen time and time again.


    • leander Moderators member
      June 14
      Edit | Reply
      It's such a pity he never understood that one part of romance in me

  • vindicativevisage
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    I guesss I like cliche crap, then, because this was beautiful. Excellent word choice... love the third verse especially. Good job.


  • Faithbound gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Sad and well written. When you love, whether in joy or sadness, you cannot help but be a bit cliche. We have all been there. Besides, it wasn't that cliche.


  • StolenSkin
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    one of the most tragically heartfelt poems i've ever read...i can feel your devastation dripping off the page, and feel so connected to you through this piece. i'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling that caused you to write this. but its undoubtedly beautiful, a masterpiece even.

  • Violet Moodswing gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, I like this crap. Of course, you know, one of my mottos is "One man's crap is another man's poetry"

    It was very real. I could almost see the color draining out of it.

    Glad I stopped by to take a read.
  • righteousme
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    cliche crap is sometimes the only way to get it out...
    keep sharing... it helps... and dont think your alone... i am split from my wife/partner of 5 years... i am right there with you... hang in there...


  • Dancing Feather gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this writing leander. It's not "crap." It's actully pretty good. Great write! Love you, Uncle.


  • youllneverknow
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Well what is one poet's crap is another's gold trophy. I liked it. I might have cringed once about the key and music reference but it was not a bad piece and I am more than sure it meant/means something to you. So therefore it is not crap.

    Yink

  • carole21
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    very nice write . . liked "Eyes empty thoughts" and "I missed the key toyour music" . . interesting conclusion


  • MariGoes gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Niks crap...feelings are never cliché.

1 - 17 of 17