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Kisses In The Wind II

It happened on a summer day
She turned and looked at Daddy’s face
When all the children were at play
She blew a kiss he would retrace

She turned and looked at Daddy’s face
He caught the kiss and felt so proud
She blew a kiss he would retrace
His little girl lit up the crowd

He caught the kiss and felt so proud
Could it be that he had sinned?
His little girl lit up the crowd
Collecting kisses in the wind

Could it be that he had sinned?
Angelic face and girlish charms
Collecting kisses in the wind
Lie dead and limp in Daddy’s arms

Angelic face and girlish charms
When all the children were at play
Lie dead and limp in Daddy’s arms
It happened on a summer day

 

 

 

Author notes

Pantoum

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • penman gold member
    July 8, 2008
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    Excellent

    Wow, another incredible creation. So very deserving of the gold. Congratulations


  • k.a.s.s.i.e
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well that was cool. i enjoyed the rhyme scheme very much!
    i had never before seen the same lines used differently in other stanzas. i'd like to try that!!!

    another interesting write, loved it!!!

    sincerely,
    kassie
    catching kisses in the wind, how cute!odd poem, but cute in a way.


  • Ithica silver member
    June 23, 2008

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    This is well done for the impact and deserving of the Gold... but it was terribly sad and a lot disturbing!!!


  • nature mithya
    June 22, 2008
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    I would rather die than face this.

    No comments required


  • Endeavor gold member
    June 18, 2008

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    Angelic face and girlish charms
    When all the children were at play
    Lie dead and limp in Daddy’s arms
    It happened on a summer day

    Strickenly desterbing
    I dred to think of the truth

    Congradulations on the gold

    Rick




  • breedluv gold member
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem disturbed me...and I'm not easily disturbed. There is such a dark undercurrent in that placid water. I love poetry that stirs emotion in me, and this poem certainly did that. Congratulations on the well deserved gold!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i would like to congraqtulate you on a well written poem and on the gold trophy that you have earned in this contest as well. thank you for sharing this with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Amera, I'm really not sure what I want to say, except, exceptional, sad, heart wrenching, all the things I love, a story that leaves unanswered questions.
    A Pantoum I thoroughly enjoyed and I am so glad you entered in my contest.

    Congratulations on the gold, I wish I could give more than this, unfortunately not

    Love
    Sue

    *clappy *


  • And Hyetal
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perfectly written... I definately want to know more, but you write it well as kind of a mystery story. Great shocker at the end.

    You're a great story teller!

    ~Cassie


  • Pisces Pieces
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is mystery within this piece that almost leaves you wanting to know more...but you have written it perfectly with just the right amount of everything that is needed to evoke emotion and meaning...

    it reads beautifully despite the sadness.

    ♥


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a touching story you have sketched Amera..a wonderful poet you are as always..well done.......thank you so much for sharing it.....


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh, you have handled Pantoum fairly well with this tragedy. Tis a sad piece that takes the reader on a darker path. Nice work. ~Pamela


  • Sacrificial Love
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Okay....

    initially...I was smiling with the first stanza... and then... by the end... my eyebrow curled...forehead lined with agitation... and a sad curl to my lips... You wrote such a painful tale so beautifully...


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's like a picture that becomes clearer the more you look.


  • Faeryn
    June 13, 2008

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    Wow. Didn't expect the twist at the end. It kind of reminds me of my friend Tiffany; she kissed her parents good night and then a few hours later she died. I love the different levels of meaning in this. What I've noticed with your work is that I really have to think to understand everything you write, not just the surface stuff. (sheesh, Amera, you are making me think when I'm out of school) I really love the poem.

    Tay


  • Rovingone gold member
    June 13, 2008

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    Beatifully written and so touching. You are so gifted. How anyone can write like this is so consistantly is beyond me. This was such an origonal way of progressing through the poem. Told such a deep story. I love your work!


  • RedAquarius
    June 13, 2008

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    What a spin, I was totally not expecting that twist. It gave me the heebie-jeebies actually. Good poem in the way it's crafted and such!


  • Griswold gold member
    June 13, 2008

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    Very sad, this reminds me of the song "don't take the girl" very apropos for my life lately, best of luck to you...Scott


  • malmadre gold member
    June 13, 2008

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    This caught all the innocence of a little girl blowing kisses to her daddy, while deeper problems are going through his mind and also the reader's. I love this inspiring form that presents your poem so well..


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for this beautiful pantoum in my contest, it was a joy to read.

    All the best...Sue


  • michellemybelle gold member
    June 13, 2008

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    This is amazing! Great tension, images and flow. You never cease to amaze me with your poetry.
    Good luck in this contest.
    blessings,
    Michelle


  • echo-ink
    June 13, 2008
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    Beautiful and sooooo sad. Your poems always touch my inner soul.


  • StarEyes
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sis,

    This is beyond words! What a great job you did on this one! I love it! Wow!!I have yet to try this form, but I am sure one day, I will some reason to try it You make all forms look so easy!

    Great job!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • PerVirtuous
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful example of a pantoum. The repeating lines fit like a perfect puzzle painting a picture of powerful emotion. Bravo.

1 - 24 of 24