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Heed

There is a darkest moment every night
When all the air is hushed and time is stilled.
A shadow passes by, a nameless blight,
The courage of the brave is swiftly spilled.
No sound is made as evil walks abroad
Yet all can hear this shadow of their doom.
You cannot know the target of its sword
A single morbid stroke from deepest gloom.
Each morning check the roll of all your friends
And warn them not to venture far away.
The bravest and the best can meet their ends
When forces of the night are out to play.
    I speak to you as one who knows its true
    I'm glad I'm dead, I used to be like you

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • RiNgMaSt3r
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    wow..this was great! i enjoyed every line..i love the ending as well good luck in my contest


  • daviscth gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this, especially the last two lines. The imagery is breath taking.


  • pania gold member
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    Good rhyme and rhythm, imagery and progression - but the final couplet is the one that knocks my socks off! Well done.

  • SoLongAndGoodNight
    June 21
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Fantastically dark sonnet, Mr.Green. Love it!

  • Zenda-Lokki gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    Dark delight

    Wonderfully dark poetry with powerful imagery throughout. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme very much and loved how the words spilled off the screen.

    My fav part:
    "Each morning check the roll of all your friends
    and warn them not to venture far away.
    The bravest and the best can meet their ends..."

    Great write
    Del

  • Griswold
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done Jeff, an excellent dark sonnet indeed. Dont see much of the dark from you, you're getting it from Tory I bet...Scott

    . Rewarded 4


  • ScottishPrincess silver member
    June 19
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    Wow what can I say?,this is a masterpiece indeed,Hazel

  • Zanerus
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    Its very creepy, and honestly it gave me a knee jerk reaction of telling the Reaper off and cuddling my friends around these lines; "You cannot know the target of its sword
    A single morbid stroke from deepest gloom.
    Each morning check the roll of all your friends
    And warn them not to venture far away." So yea, but it seemed to me that like already said, there was restrains on this poem. But oh well its still a good one.

  • Tattboyspet silver member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    why were you holding back?????
    seems as though you started this with all the intentions to be really dark, but shied away from what was coming from the pen (it's the rhyming I tell you! )
    have to say though, considering as it's from YOU, it's BLOODY good!!!!! there's not a note of humour or love in there!
    next time, DON'T HOLD BACK!

    well done!


    • cricketjeff gold member
      June 17

      Edit | Reply
      I'm English!!!
      Of course I hold back!
      The dark is supposed to be inside you not the poem
      Dark and nasty ones aren't for public consumption

      • Tattboyspet silver member
        June 17
        Edit | Reply
        NONSENSE!!!!
        Tattboy says the same thing ... He's British so He's ALWAYS polite - i say poowee to that! lol!
        Allow the darkness to inhale thoughts of corrupted fingers drawing pictures of decapitations and saliva dripping red from mouth grazed on electric saws!!!!!!

        • Zanerus
          June 19

          Edit | Reply
          I'm just reading the comment before I comment and wow thats a very gory input of how to let a picture be. But it would look interesting.

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    This was magnificent. I loved it and the mood i have been in lately this took me there. I love you.
    Thanks alot for a perfect penning of words...and in dark too...must be in a great mood

    Tory


  • Gwenevere
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    I will sleep with one eye open tonight then.Scary stuff Jeff, Ros

  • Fallen Under Light
    June 13

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    Wow, you were not lying when you said this was good. Keep up the amazing work.


  • PerVirtuous Allan gold member
    June 13

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    Wow! You have finally written a couplet that blows away the rest of the poem. That is a wonderful development. What really has my attention is the title! This speaks so powerfuly to the content of the poem. I give extra marks for the title and the couplet. The rest has very good meter and tells a story that is easily followed. Have some bunnies.


  • jimmy20johns gold member
    June 13
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    Whoo..oo..

    Nice one Jeff. You've done it agen!


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply


    Enough said
    to one who's dead!!!!!!


  • The Painting Poet gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Jeff you have surpassed your dark writes this piece is abby fabby!!!! What a macabre, twisted closing couplet I love it!


  • Amera gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully dark, perfect in form and meter. It has the shock factor in the couplet that is pure magic.

    Love,
    Amera

1 - 22 of 22