The stench of deceit hangs thick in the air
As we breathe in hypocrisy and spit out blood
In a sickening world full of love-depleted hearts,
A world filled with beautiful liars and their tragic victims.
This is my suicidal romance
As I drink freedom from a bottle.
It's the essence of my past forgotten joys,
Yet also the cause of all my present regrets.
But all I'm really doing
Is renewing my old ties
To see if my past still hurts,
To try and face my fears.
Indefinite words inflict turbulent emotions,
Brandy scorches paths down my tainted throat.
You never should have said "I love you"
But it's so easy to say "I do" even though you don't.
Razors paint red ribbons on my skin
To serve as my everlasting reminder
That I let you take what wasn't yours
With simple inebriation and false truths.
Time seems to stand still within these smoke rings,
Blown out from perfect lips [so quitting was just another lie.]
But we can't stay this in this moment forever,
The ghost of your tobacco kisses is all that's left . . .
. . . Hell, I wish this had never happened.
In a list
A contest entry
- Round Contest Round 2 of 4!! by FightOffYourDemons.
450 points, ended August 20, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For those of you in love with your pre-writes :) by thepoetsings.
950 points, ended July 15, 2008, 39 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Wish Is My Command (LOL) by fairytalelovestory.
350 points, ended September 15, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Comments Contest Version 2.0 by Bean Sidhe.
700 points, ended April 3, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Obviously, with the trophies you have won and the comments this piece has rendered, you must know the level of its potential!
There are many parts that I thought "Oh, this is my favorite" until I read on to find another. You have a lovely way with words and your descriptive devices are spot on with imagery. I could taste tobacco on my tongue by the time I read the last line.
Lovely. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!
- Beán Sidħe -
xd how confusing... i've commented yet it's not in a contest of mine, but I remember it being so...hmm XD.
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WHAT A BULLSEYE ..this poem really speaks!
These two verses really sum it up..for many,
who will truly understand it's meaning!
This is my suicidal romance
As I drink freedom from a bottle.
It's the essence of my past forgotten joys,
Yet also the cause of all my present regrets.
But all I'm really doing
Is renewing my old ties
To see if my past still hurts,
To try and face my fears.
FABULOUS POEM, thankYOU for your entry!
welcome to the finalist list!
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wow i see why you wont gold over me such talent this was an indiscribable write i loved it each line had me begging for more great work -bows-
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Yeah sometimes my favourite colour changes by mood too... Like when I'm tranquil it's sometimes blue or purple still and when I'm miserable it tends to be black or red. So yeah, I get that. Such a raw poem, but so relatable in many ways. Nice to meet you Jojo. I would love ayellow Gummy
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This is amazing. It's so sad but beautifully written. I can really relate to this and it brings back memories. The emotions come out so vividly.
"The stench of deceit hangs thick in the air
As we breathe in hypocrisy and spit out blood
In a sickening world full of love-depleted hearts,
A world filled with beautiful liars and their tragic victims."
What a perfect beginning. The whole thing is wonderful though. I really love this and I love the way you write. Congrats on the trophies. *bookmarking*
♥
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Editorials:
- line 3. "love-depleted" should by hyphenated.
Absolutely love the first two lines; you had me hooked with those first several words. Really, the entire piece was stunning. I don't know whether this is from personal experience or just something you came up with, but you crafted something that I can identify with (at least parts of, anyway). So many beautiful images even within such a sad piece. Thanks for sharing -
Reminder
This reminds me of someone dear to me...a situation recently that changed both our lives...so far for the worst; for me anyway:
"The stench of deceit hangs thick in the air
As we breathe in hypocrisy and spit out blood
In a sickening world full of love depleted hearts,
A world filled with beautiful liars and their tragic victims."
All of this is true...we say one thing; act the opposite; justify it both. Hypocritical? Maybe. Never underestimate the weakness of the heart...it can forgive very easily. Very powerful write...especially for me. 8/10!
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This is powerful and extremely well written.
"Indefinite words inflict turbulent emotions,
Brandy scorches paths down my tainted throat.
You never should have said "I love you"
But it's so easy to say "I do" even though you don't."
I love that part, it really expresses the "lies and regrets".
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hunni, this poem is powerful. it made me want to chew it up and swallow it and throw it up again. in a good way.
beautifully penned doll
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Babes that was ummm very powerful, great write.
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Wow, sweetie, this gave me pitter.patter goosebumps.
'The stench of deceit hangs thick in the air
As we breathe in hypocrisy and spit out blood
In a sickening world full of love depleted hearts,
A world filled with beautiful liars and their tragic victims.'
and
'Razors paint red ribbons on my skin
To serve as my everlasting reminder'
I loves this, it was so tragically sad, and yet, simply amazing.
Smile sweetie
♥
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