An unbalanced reciprocity
I give and give
You take
But you only want what's best for me
I live but not...
...Awake
I woke up to my blithe condition
It was, or is
Now lost
My now forked and deflated ambition
But I refuse
The cost
Pay it all and forward, right here
Don't forget you...
...Well me
Smile, it's just the facade in gear
(You're) My life, (You're) My choice
My dream
Author notes
I just need some honest feedback on this. I just wrote it, so whatever you have/want to say go right ahead.
I would really appreciate some honest feedback. I just hacked it out and anything you feel about it, anything you legitimately need to say go ahead, I won't be offended. Just be constructive please?
Comments
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This is the first poem I have read composed by you. You have the heart of a poet. I'm a formal poet but I found this free verse very powerful. It's a fast and deliberate read the artfully expressed emotion and conviction. I didn't quite understand the ending. Perhaps if you had used (You’re) in stead of (Your) I would grasp the concept. Well done!
Love,
Amera
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Thanks for catching that error... it's 1 in the AM and I already type poorly when I'm wide awake. And thank you for the positive feedback. It's always nice to get a positive after you write a piece like this.
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